My mom was gone the next weekend. Johnny went out with his crew. I went to the Center and stayed on top of my schoolwork. Mostly, I had the trailer to myself.
By the following Friday, I felt comfortable that Michelle and the state of Washington had closed the case. Or forgotten about it. Maybe I had convinced her I wasn’t neglected. Just poor.
Chapter ten
Deck - Age 17
FOURTEEN YEARS AGO
My friends and I started spending most of our weekends at Chi-chi’s. Some weeknights too. At his place, we could just chill. Smoke a joint or drink. Play video games and listen to music. No expectations. We seemed to be the youngest of all the folks who hung out there regularly, but no one asked us about school. Or our families. No one cared.
But as nice as it was to escape for a while, I realized pretty quickly that these weren’t my people. I was raised to respect my parents, the law, and even corny shit like hard work. At Chi-chi’s, I found myself around shady dumbasses who bragged about check-cashing schemes, back-alley gambling, small-time dealing, and petty theft.
Still, for the first few months, I ignored the jab of my conscience and lost myself in the loud, pounding music and the excitement of meeting new people. I playedMario Kartand passed the bong with guys from the neighborhood I used to avoid making eye contact with. The girls who hung around Chi-chi flirted and made me feel like a king. Cruz lost his virginity in one of Chi-chi’s back bedrooms to a girl he only ever saw that night. I got a few offers, even kissed a fewchicas guapas, but that was all.
My friends assumed I had already lost my virginity, but other than a few handies and an unsuccessful blow job from a girl I went out with freshman year, I’d only ever kissed anyone. Sure, I was a horny seventeen-year-old, and I wanted to get my dick wet as much as anyone, but every time I got close to doing the deed with one of Chi-chi’s hangarounds, the hollowness in my gut stopped me.
There was a simple explanation for that, a reason I admitted only to myself.
No one else was Cori.
Johnny’s sister was still not for me. That was truer now than it had been a year ago when I’d first noticed her that way. But knowing that didn’t mean I could just turn it off. Instead, I tortured myself. I found excuses to be near her, to give her small touches, to enjoy whatever pieces I could get.
I sat next to her on the couch while she watched cartoons with Marisol, letting the coconut smell of her shampoo drive me crazy. She had this way of smiling when something was funny, but not funny enough to actually laugh. Thinking about that smile made me happy.
She made me happy.
Wanting Cori and not being able to have her still felt better and more honest than being with any other girl.
But even though I wasn’t good enough for Cori, I was pretty sure I was too good for Chi-chi. After that day in the park, I’d gone to the parties and encouraged my boys to come with me because it felt special, like Chi-chi had chosen me. Now, I realized the huge difference between being chosen and actually belonging.
I didn’t belong at Chi-chi’s house. Neither did my friends.
Because a lot more went on than video games and passing the bong. There were skinny guys who went down to the basement to smoke things besides weed. A glassy-eyed girl who barged in on me in the bathroom and offered to suck my dick for ten bucks. People who came in and immediately disappeared into one of the back bedrooms with Chi-chi and his backpack.
And then there were the constant offers ofopportunities. Small jobs to earn a little cash. As much as my grades told a different story, I wasn’t stupid. I knew the reason Chi-chi had invited me to his house was because he wanted to recruit me and my friends into his operation. I still wasn’t sure exactly what he was involved in, or how deep his connections ran—I didn’t want to know—but he’d been dropping lots of hints lately about how easy the money was. About the excitement of the game.
We’d said no so far, but each weekend there was a little extra pressure, and Cruz seemed more and more interested in the money. It scared me.
But what scared me more was when Johnny and Eliazar tried smoking meth. I would have stopped them if I’d noticed them going down to the basement. They appeared okay after, but still, crank was fucking savage. We’d all seen the neighborhood addicts, thin as rails and begging for change. Cruz and I ripped them new assholes over messing with it. They promised it was a one-and-done, just curiosity, but being around it was probably a bad idea. Those motherfuckers were such go-alongs.
My friends and I were in over our heads. We weren’t criminals. Or addicts. Cruz had been to juvie once for beating someone up, but that was it.
The novelty had been fun for a while, but it was past time to stop going to Chi-chi’s.
I said as much when they picked me up one night, four months after the first party we went to. Sitting next to Johnny in the back seat, I suggested we skip Chi-chi’s, saying it would be better for just the four of us to hang out. Like old times.
“Maybe next weekend we can do that,” Cruz replied slowly. “But I have business with Chi-chi tonight.”
“¿Qué?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. “What do you mean ‘business’?”
“He just needs me to drive him somewhere. No big deal.” Cruz clenched his lips.
“When did you and Chi-chi make this plan?” I pressed.
“Last weekend. He told me to come around tonight to finalize.”
“Shit. How did I not know this?”
