“That’s amazing news. I’m so glad.”
“Having you here has helped more than I can say,nena.”
“And you know I’ll stay for as long as you need me,” I assured her.
I didn’t allow myself to spend too much time thinking about the dent full-time near-volunteerism was making in my bank account. For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t care. All the money I’d made since graduating from college had never bought me anything as significant as the look on Rosa’s face as she told me how grateful she was.
We spent the next half hour going over the books. I gave her the sunniest version of the truth, something Ana, Quincy, and I had agreed on. I mentioned we were still looking for donors forthe gala, but followed it up with the not-untrue statement that I still had former colleagues to call.
But she must have seen something in my expression.
“What’s wrong,mija?”
“It’s nothing,” I rose hurriedly without meeting her eyes. “I’m going to see if Marisol needs help.”
“¡Un segundito!” Rosa spoke firmly, then softened it with, “Por favor.”
I sighed, halting in the doorway. As much as I knew it was for the best not to cause her to worry unnecessarily about specifics, it was difficult to hide my burdens.
“Truly, Rosa. I am hopeful,” I said, sitting back down to face her. “But these past few months have reminded me how much is at stake. If I hadn’t been a Center kid, I don’t know what would have happened. The story you tell every child who walks in the doors—no matter how fucked up they are or what situation they’re in—is that they have the chance to do great things. I remember being eleven, coming in for the first time, feeling that. My mom used to tell me I was special, but I never really believed it until I came here. And nothing’s changed. What would kids like Reign do without it?”
Instead of replying directly, she folded her hands on the desk. “I always knew you’d come back,” she said. “And not to the trailer park, or even the Deckers’ house. You see the Center as home, a place to land.”
I bit my lip, whispering the question that haunted me, “But what happens if I can’t save it? What if I wake up the morning after the gala and realize things are too far gone, that the hole is too deep?”
Rosa appeared to consider my question. “I’m going to speaken inglés, to make sure you understand,” she said. “As I’m sure you know, nonprofits close every day. If that’s what happens to the Center, then that’s what happens. We’re going to do everythingwe can to save it: you, me, the staff, the board, and everyone who loves it. And even then, it still might not work. And I understand your distress. I’m the one who took my eye off the ball when Lupe got sick—”
“No one would blame you for—”
Rosa held up her hand. “Let me finish. If we can’t raise the money, there will be plenty of guilt and sadness to go around. But if the Center closes, that doesn’t take away from the decades of good it’s done and how many lives have been changed for the better. If you wake up the morning after the gala and have to tell me it’s all done, then so be it. You’ll know you did your very best, and it was just time. It’ll be okay, and something new will come along for kids like Reign.”
“I don’t know if I can live with that,” I murmured. “Failing with that much on the line.”
Rosa stretched her arms across the desk and enveloped my hands in hers. “Of course you can. If you weren’t prepared to do that, you wouldn’t have come home.”
Chapter thirty-four
Deck
“Miss Mari said Miss Cori took her brother to rehab this morning, that he OD’d last week.”
I startled at Jayden’s bluntness as I watched him spreading mastic on the rubber baseboards. “There’s no way my sister told you that.”
He smirked. “Nah. She didn’t. I came to the Center during lunch to see if Miss Mari could help with those papers Amos needs me to fill out. I overheard her on a phone call outside the office.”
“You eavesdropped?” I glared at him.
“I just didn’t leave, man.” Jayden shrugged. “She was the one who left the door open.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic. Marisol was probably updating my parents.
I wasn’t a Hope Center staff member, so I supposed I could plead ignorance about the rules regarding discussing personal stuff with the kids. I was still trying to get Jayden to trust me.Glancing at Sandra, I confirmed she was deep in her scrolling, earbuds in place. Still, I lowered my voice. “Miss Cori’s brother—Johnny—is going to be okay. He went straight to rehab from the hospital.”
Jayden tsked. “Well, good luck to that guy. I ain’t seen rehab work for nobody.”
I tried hard not to share his pessimism, focusing on reasons to be hopeful. The program Dr. Alvarez recommended had a much higher-than-average success rate. Also, Johnny had been a different person since he’d reconnected with Cori. He was still upset about his friend Rocco, but seeing Cruz yesterday seemed to cheer him up.
Cruz barely spoke for the two hours we spent in Johnny’s room—nothing new there—yet it still felt right. My chosen brothers. Together again. Eliazar’s death remained a fresh wound, but being able to grieve him in the same space, even without mentioning his name, I knew that meant something to each of us.
