“Yep.”
“Why?”
He snapped the laptop closed and reached across me to place it on the nightstand. The sound echoed, reminding me how alone we were. “I already told you. At first, it was curiosity, but then it was just good to…see you like that. Laughing.” He shifted,sitting up so we rested next to one another, legs flush. “You avoided me today. After our talk.”
With the computer closed, only silvery moonlight lit the room. I relaxed against Will’s shoulder.
A flash of memory assailed me. I’d felt this way with him before. A sense of perfect gravity, the night protecting us. Like we were the only two people in the world.
It hadn’t been true then. It wasn’t true now.
“I needed time to think.” I paused before sighing. “Being around you and all that floppy dark hair and pretty eyes is too distracting.”
He laughed softly, hesitating momentarily before throwing his right arm around my shoulders. “This okay?”
“Yeah.” I breathed into his neck.
“I’m just reveling in the fact that you’re not actively angry with me anymore,” he said. “Having you near me like this, it’s…” His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“It’s good.” I ran my fingers along his scars, and he emitted a low groan.
“I love that it doesn’t bother you.” He sucked in his bottom lip, letting me trace the raised lines on his palm for a few loaded seconds before asking, “Did it help you? Having time to think?”
“Yeah. I also talked to my sister and gave her the basic rundown of what’s up with us.”
“All of it?”
“Just the bullet points, but yes.”
“Does she hate me now?” He attempted a light tone, but there was genuine fear behind it.
“I mean, she reserves the right to stab you if you ever hurt me like that again, but I think she’s taking her cues from me. And she can see I’ve moved on from it.”
He considered my words as our hands continued to caress. “That’s a relief. I’d like to stay on Marley’s good side. And not just because of James.”
I nodded. “She’s a solid one to have in your corner, that’s for sure. Hashing it out with her helped, but that doesn’t mean I have it all figured out yet.”
“You’re here now. I’ll take the W.”
I exhaled into the darkened room. “Honestly, Will, in a way, it would have been easier if you had told me you’d had temporary amnesia, or that there’d been an accident that kept you from texting me after our night together. Or that maybe some nefarious character blackmailed you into lying to me. Something other than normal human fallibility.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I thought of how hurt I’d been in that hotel lobby. “Tell me—in those weeks after we met at Musicbox and before you ran into me again, were you trying to figure out a way to get out of your engagement, or were you trying to make yourself come around to the idea of marrying Rosalyn?”
His lips flattened. “It’s hard to say. But when it comes down to it, I truly believe I would have ended the engagement eventually. One thing I know for sure is that, from the moment I saw you in the lobby, it became a hundred percent certain I’d never marry Roz.”
“That’s what I’m still processing. I believe you. We both got hurt by your actions. I’ve known for a while you’re not some slimy fuckboy who set out intending to harm me.”
After talking with Marley, I realized most of the pain I carried from five years ago had to do with feeling embarrassed over the idea I’d been played, that I’d allowed myself to give in to my emotions and promptly gotten burned. But the truth was, I hadn’t been the weak one. That had been Will. He’d been weak, not standing up for himself and what he wanted. Now that I saw the truth, I could let go of the unfounded shame.
It finally felt as though the past was in the past, thoroughly examined and given a proper burial.
In the here and now, I was left with my connection to Will, my desire for him. While knowing he felt the same.
What was stopping us from jumping into something?
I touched the side of my forehead to his. “I need you to keep being direct and honest, Will.”
“Of course.”
He shivered as my mouth whispered against his ear. “What exactly do you want from me?”
