“And ended up at Musicbox,” she finished.
I nodded. “I wish I could say I had a legitimate reason for ghosting you after our night together, that me being engagedwas a misunderstanding. But I don’t want to lie. On the night we met, I was in a serious relationship with Rosalyn, and most of the world knew me as William, an executive at Wallingford Capital.”
Letting that information sit in the air for a minute, I watched as Maureen exhaled, sending the hair framing her face sideways. “Okay.” Her voice caught.
“I was standing by myself, and then you were there, laughing with your friend and lip-synching to the Christmas music. Seeing you—” I closed my eyes, remembering the way I’d felt at that moment. “It was like the universe opened a crack and let in colors I forgot existed. I tried to fight it, tried walking away, but I know you felt it too—that lightning bolt. And then when you took down that guy who tried to pull you at the bar, I couldn’t deny myself the chance to meet you. It was selfish, and I should have been honest about my situation, but I didn’t want the dream to end. I decided to give myself one night to be the person I might have become without the accident. For once, I was Billy, someone artistic and funny, hanging out with a girl I was insanely attracted to, who looked at me like she wanted to eat me, but didn’t put up with my shit when I threw out mixed signals. Until that night, I’d forgotten what it was like to feel a spark inside. And I know I fucked it all up afterward. But that doesn’t mean meeting you didn’t change everything.”
Her face remained unreadable, and I willed her to understand.
“Maureen, it was the best night of my life. You must know that. And when I left you in the early morning, I honestly felt so sure I could make a change. That Roz and I were over. When I said I’d text you, I meant it.”
“Then why didn’t you?” She clenched her fists before folding her arms across her chest. “All you did was send me a pathetic ‘I’m sorry’ way too late.”
“And I’ll never be able to explain how ashamed I am for doing that.”
“Then why did you do it?”
I gulped the thick air. There was no way to make the next part sound good enough to excuse my actions, but it was the truth I had to offer. “When I came in to work the next day, I got the shock of my life when my parents came up to congratulate me on my engagement to Rosalyn. It took me a minute to figure it out, but I realized Rosalyn must have told them we’d gotten engaged the night before. I don’t think she intentionally lied. Throughout our relationship, our disagreements ended with her getting her way, because I rarely cared enough to argue. I honestly believe she interpreted me giving up on our fight that night as agreeing to the engagement, and I never got a chance to speak to her before she told my mother and father. That morning, for the first time, I got the unqualified look of approval from my parents I’d been waiting for my entire life. It was surreal, standing in the center of the office with them and all my coworkers offering their congratulations.
“I’d spent my entire childhood trying to please my parents. I’d been weak and complacent for so long, and I couldn’t change my entire mindset overnight. As powerful as meeting you was, it still took some time to shake myself out of it. I didn’t necessarily mean the ‘I’m sorry’ as an ending. I was spinning. My parents were so happy. Soapproving. For days, all I could do was revel in it.
“After Roz and I ran into you at the hotel, my head finally dislodged from my ass. I realized what my behavior cost me. It was devastating, knowing I’d destroyed the one thing I would have chosen for myself.”
I paused as my voice grew steely. “By that point, my parents had gotten used to me taking all their advice. Pulling myself out from under their thumb wasn’t easy, but I eventually ended myengagement. I walked away from Wallingford. I began making art again. This past year, I renovated an apartment building. It took time, but it’s like I finally recovered from my accident.
“I’m fully aware that the way I treated you, humiliated you”—I cringed—“was unforgivable, but I hope you know how much you changed me, how meeting you started me on a different path.”
She eyed me neutrally. “You want to know something? Before you told me this, I had pushed to the back of my mind how much you hurt me. It was easy to do that because of how intense everything has been these past few days.”
Damn.Had I just totally shot myself in the foot? Except I’d had no choice but to be honest. There would be no way to move forward without settling this. Otherwise, it would always be there, waiting to strike.
“Is this why you didn’t want us to call your parents and tell them you’re here?” She surprised me with the question.
“Yeah. They worry still. They would assume my life is about to be totally derailed because I slipped on some ice. As you can guess, they were pissed when I left Wallingford and broke my engagement. But it’s been a while since that all went down, and they can see I’m a fully functional adult now, even without their careful guidance. We’ve called a truce these past few years. They’re back to disapproving of most of what I do, but they seem to accept I’m in control.”
She let her arms fall to her sides, turning her face toward me. “Do they still call you William?”
I raised my eyes at her perceptiveness. “They do.”
A powerful sigh escaped her. “Why is it that even when you’re being as honest and transparent with me as you’ve ever been, you’re somehow more complicated than ever?”
“Special talent.”
Maureen’s lip quirked. She reached to twine her hand with mine, resting them between us. “And how do you feel abouteverything now? Do you feel you’re on the correct path? As Will the apartment owner and maybe artist?”
“I hope so. But being true to myself doesn’t mean a lot if no one sees, right? If no one cares or likes you for who you are. I want someone to look at me and know me, and for me to feel like I’m enough for them.”
“I think everyone wants that.” She lifted our laced fingers to my chest, both of us feeling the rapid beat of my heart. “No matter what happens between us, you are enough. Billy or William or Will. You’re enough.”
“Thank you,” I rasped. “It means everything to hear you say that.”
“Because of our history?”
“Because you’re the person who was with me on the best day of my life…and my most shameful.” I swallowed. “You know me better than anyone.”
Chapter twenty-one
Maureen
