Page 59 of Christmas Chemistry


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“We might take a pass at being friends. I want to be honest with you. He did sort of insinuate he’d be open to getting back together, but I made it clear that’s not an option, and he was respectful of that.”

I blanched. “I’m not sure how I feel about you guys being friends if he secretly wants more.”

“Don’t worry. As much as it flatters me he said that, he’s not burning with desire or unrequited love or anything. He said he likes that I’m familiar and steady. Not exactly a passionate declaration.”

“Alright. If you trust him and say he’s a good guy, I believe you.” I nodded slowly.

“He is a good guy. But talking to Kasen brought up some stuff. That’s what I meant when I said we’d had the same conversation. You were harsh with Oliver. I’m realizing that I might have been a little too hard on Kasen. In the end.”

I directed a dubious expression her way. “You just did what you had to do during a tough breakup.”

“Maybe. That’s the story I’ve been telling myself all these years. But I could have given a little ground and responded to a text. I didn’t need to ban him from my mother’s funeral. I mean, I made him feel unwelcome in the town where his parents live. Even though I told myself I was doing it to cope with the break-up, deep down, I know at least a part of me meant it to punish him. And it worked.”

“Well, I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. He left you when your mom got sick. No one can blame you for wanting to twist the knife a little.”

She chortled, then her face turned down in a frown. “Are you alright?” I asked, concerned.

“I was just thinking that if you’re getting along with Oliver, it’s one more thing to draw you back to Seattle.”

“What?”

“I mean, you have your family—who clearly miss you—and now you might have Oliver. And there was that guy Will at the reunion. Seems like he’d like to be friends again.”

“So?”

She hmphed. “So—the universe keeps reminding you that you have so much waiting for you there.”

My stomach churned at her vague insinuation. “Right,” I drawled out. “Guess I’ll have a lot of folks to see when I visit.”

“But don’t you think it’s something you should at least consider?”

“Consider what?”

“Moving back, obviously.”

“I’m sorry…what?” I somehow kept my boiling gut in check. “Why would you say that?” I attempted to snag her gaze, but she kept her eyes decidedly on her lap. “Marley, you’re not even pretending not to push me away. Why? My life is here, in Coleman Creek. We aretogether, right? Where in this scenario does me living in Seattle make any sense?”

“Please don’t be upset, James. This is coming out all wrong.” She scrubbed a hand across her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I just want you to know I understand why you’d need to move on. You shouldn’t have to stay here, not being able to do the job you love.”

“Move on? Am I inThe Twilight Zone? Did we break up while I was sleeping or something?”

She made a pfft noise. “You’re not going to stay here for me.”

“Why the hell not?” My voice raised an octave at her casual assumption that I’d leave. But I also knew—to the core of my being—that this had nothing to do with her not wanting me. I tried a different tack, lowering my voice to a plea. “Marley, I’ve never fit with anyone the way I fit with you. And that’s besides the fact that I meant what I said. I fucking love you. Love. You.”

“But for how long, James? How long until you get tired of not being a teacher, of living in a tiny town where everyone knows everyone’s business and there’s nothing to do but go bowling and hang out at the same bar night after night?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t push me away. I meant what I said. Coleman Creek is home now, and I’m not planning on leaving. We can be together.”

“I’m sure you think that. And it’s a nice fantasy. I love that you want me. That you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met and you like me back—”

“I love you.”

“That you love me, then. Okay.” She exhaled deeply. “But I also think you’re still reeling from what Leo said, that you run away from things. And I don’t want you to stay here and make me fall in love with you, just to prove you’ve changed.”

I flinched, my lips flattening into a tight line. “It feels like we’re talking in circles, Marley. You keep throwing out more reasons I should leave. So, I guess I need to ask. Do you even want me to stay?”

When we’d met, Marley had thought I was just some cool guy who liked to do puzzles and could French braid his own hair. Now she knew I’d been a scared, bullied kid who’d grown into an uncommunicative, conflict-avoiding adult. A real prize. I knew she liked me, but maybe she wasn’t up for all that long term.