Page 47 of Christmas Chemistry


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“Completely agree,” James said, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

The look in my sister’s eyes reminded me of Mrs. Allen and Coach Hurley, which was strange since Maureen was generally something of a cynic. It unnerved me she wasn’t cynical about this. I was happy to be with James, but I needed to stay realistic.

The sensation that our time together had a ticking clock persisted.

After attending the reunion, meeting his old friend Will, seeing how close James was with his family, and hearing about Oliver, I had a new perspective on James moving to Coleman Creek. He’d said he liked my little town because it felt “real,” and yet by so many measures, James’s real life was here, in Seattle. He’d just run away from it.

Tomorrow he could wake up and realize how different we were, how much he had waiting for him here. He could be like Kasen and decide that a relationship with me wasn’t exciting enough to commit to long term. He could make me love him and then walk away.

After we’d finished eating, James handed his credit card to the server and excused himself to go outside to take a phone call from Leo, who’d been texting all morning.

“I really like him,” Maureen said after he’d gone. “Well done.”

“He is pretty great. But don’t get too excited. It’s just casual.”

She raised her forehead at me, but didn’t comment, seeming to weigh her next words.

“Not to change the subject, but I’ve been wanting to find out. Did you ever end up communicating with Kasen? You never said, and I didn’t want to ask in front of your new guy.”

I ignored her reference to James as my guy. “That’s because me and Kasen are none of your business. I don’t need you and Miranda gossiping. Yes, we texted. And a few days ago we met up at The Landslide.”

“You saw him? How was it? What did he want? Does James know?”

I frowned at Maureen’s barrage of questions. “It was fine. Just catching up. Sorta weird but not really. He didn't seem to want anything specific. And I told James beforehand so it wouldn’t seem like I was keeping anything from him.”

“Of course you did.” She huffed. “Well, I’m glad it wasn’t too weird. It’s probably good you can be friends with Kasen now. You two were together a long time.”

I knew she was curious about my ex, but my focus was entirely on the man in front of the restaurant windows, smiling as he spoke on the phone. “Um hmm,” I said absently. “I hope James and I will always be friends.”

Maureen’s eyebrows knitted together. “That’s a seriously bizarre thing to say, sis. Along with calling it ‘casual’ before. James seems super into you. Why are you acting like you two already have an expiration date? What are you not telling me?”

“Can you stop with the interrogation, please? That’s not what I meant.” I sighed heavily. “I’m just saying that James and me being short term is the inevitable outcome here. James’s whole life is in Seattle. The only thing he has in Coleman Creek is his job, and there are some budget cuts on the table, so he might not even have that.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Duh. I mean, he has you in Coleman Creek.”

I scoffed. “C’mon, Maureen.”

My sister’s eyes widened as she deduced my reasoning. “Jesus, Marley, I know Kasen left you, but that’s no reason to assume James is going to do the same thing.”

“It’s not about that,” I hissed. “I’m just taking care of myself!" I paused for a few seconds, running my hands over my thighs as I worked to get my tone under control. "Look, I’ll own that there’s a part of me that would love for James to stay, to give up his career and remain hundreds of miles away from the family he loves, and declare that nothing is more important than what we have. But just saying those words out loud reminds me how foolish that scenario is. I can’t allow myself to get too wrapped up in this thing with James.”

“Marley, Kasen being an idiot doesn’t mean everyone is. Just because you live in Coleman Creek and wear unfortunate clothes doesn’t mean you don’t deserve something amazing.”

“You know, I’m not nearly as self-loathing as you’re implying. I’m enjoying something amazing with Jamesright now. I’m just not trying to delude myself that it’s going to stay that way!” I’d opened up and let him in, but only by degrees I could manage. It would be idiotic to give him too much of my heart. And I wasn’t an idiot.

Maureen disagreed. “So, you’re just going to talk yourself out of falling in love?”

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think? We’ve been officially together for less than a day.”

“Maybe. But, Marley, I can see how he looks at you. Like you’re precious. If you just sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, you’re not even giving it a chance. You can’t insulate yourself from pain by not investing in your relationship.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Marley, I love you so much, but sometimes I feel like Miranda and I did you dirty by letting you step in and handle everything with mom. I think you got so used to being thought of as dependable—practical—that you won’t allow yourself to crack even a little. It’s okay to get upset. And putting yourself out there can be a good thing, even if you end up getting your heart broken.”