Marley zeroed in on the dog treats as soon as me and Bambi came through the door.
“What do you think that means?” she scrunched her forehead at the label. “Eggnog? Cinnamon? Or just, like, noble fir bark?”
“Call me unimaginative, but I was thinking turkey dinner. Then again, what dog would turn down a tasty eggnog bone?”
Bambi and Oscar seemed unconcerned with the flavor profile as we handed over their prizes, immediately skulking off to the corner as though we might snatch the treats back.
Marley and I shuffled into her kitchen. The fries would take the longest. I popped them onto a cookie sheet and put the pan in the oven as she watched. While I worked, her phone buzzed a few times with incoming texts. She made a quick reply and stuck it back in her pocket.
After getting a skillet out to fry the burgers, I decided to just rip the Band-Aid off. “Marley, can we talk about what happened at the tree lot?”
She hoisted herself up on the counter next to me. “Okay.”
“I know you’ve figured out there’s something personal behind how I reacted. What Fel said to Daniel bothered me more than it probably should have.”
Her eyes softened. “You’re right. I’ve put those pieces together. But you don’t need to tell me things if it makes you uncomfortable. If you’re not ready.”
“I appreciate that. But I want you to understand why I am the way I am with our students. Since we’re going to my reunion, I think it’s important you at least have the basics of what it was like for me back then.”
“Alright.”
She regarded me so intently, I almost changed my mind. Figuring it might be easier if I kept my hands busy and my eyes down, I pulled out the salad vegetables. Marley reached behind herself on the counter to retrieve a wooden cutting board for me.
“Obviously, it’s not just losing touch with classmates,” I said, before taking a deep breath. “I had a…difficult…experience in high school. There were a few friendly faces, but mostly it was a daily marathon of me keeping my head down, trying not to get called names.” I took a red bell pepper and gave it a quick rinse in the sink, speaking quickly as I chopped it up. “I was a scholarship kid at a private school, and all the other students had a lot more money than me. My parents bought their house back in the day, before real estate went nuts, so I lived in the same neighborhood as my classmates, but that was about all we had in common.
“All their parents worked in tech or finance or the corporate world. My dad fixed HVAC systems in office buildings. So, not only did everyone make fun of me for being a chubby nerd who was no good at sports, they laughed at my Target brand clothes and old shoes. Not to mention I had a case of acne so explosive I forgot what my face looked like without it.” I attempted a humorless smile, but Marley remained stock still on her perch.
“The other kids made it clear at every turn I wasn’t like them. Not just name-calling. Although there was that. They also excluded me. They’d make a point of letting me know I wasn’t invited to parties, that I couldn’t be in their clubs. Whenever I got assigned to a group project, they’d meet without me and not let me know. I felt like a disease. Even with my friends—other misfits who just needed someone to walk next to them—I stuck out. Because at least the other weirdos’ families had money.”
“James—” Marley covered her mouth with her palm.
“It went on for years, Marley. Coming home and putting on a face so my parents and brother wouldn’t be worried or look at me with pity. Feeling like every day I was living in my own personal hell. The last two years were the worst. All the things I missed out on. Everything I was too scared to do. School clubs. Homecoming. Prom. I almost skipped graduation because I was afraid someone might shout out something horrible in front of my parents.” I exhaled heavily. “Senior year, I thought about ending it every day. Every. Day.”
I really hoped Marley didn’t need more specific examples to comprehend the depth of what I’d endured. As I recited my story, I felt all the bitterness I’d shoved down for so long resurfacing.
What happened to your face, James? It looks like a connect-the-dots worksheet. Great, James is on our team. I guess that means an automatic loss with fatty bringing up the rear. Ewww. I heard Chubby James sits next to Layla in biology. We feel so bad for her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Marley. You deserved the heads up in case the reunion is…bad. I guess I was embarrassed. I know you think of me as this laid-back guy, possibly even cool, but…” I trailed off, moving on from the bell pepper to shredding a carrot.
“Oh my God, James.” She jumped down from the counter and came up behind me like she’d done at the tree lot. “Can I?” she asked tentatively, raising her arms. I nodded. The air whooshed out of my lungs as she grabbed me so tightly around the middle I stumbled into the counter. I felt the wetness of her tears against my back. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing.”
I reached up to put my hand over hers. “Marley—”
“Not to be harsh, but your former classmates were clearly trash. They sound like absolute, certifiable garbage people. I hope they all grew up to be adults who get regular kidney stones. Or at least paper cuts and hangnails and incurable bad breath.” She squeezed me again, this time nuzzling her cheek against my back. “And you are still the coolest guy I know. Always.” She placed a closed mouth kiss right between my shoulder blades. “Their vileness says nothing about you and everything about them. Like I said, garbage people.”
I’d never heard her speak so strongly before, even if—true to form—she kept her language PG. It released some of the tension in the room and, shockingly, I chuckled. “I think I like vicious attack dog, Marley. She’s pretty hot.”
“I am so, so sorry I pushed you into going to your reunion. It never even crossed my mind that high school would have been that rough for you.”
“I got good at hiding, Marley,” I said. “Pretending. Not saying much. If I were to shave this beard, you’d see some pretty gnarly acne scars. And, of course, that chubby kid never entirely went away. He just got taller.” I patted my belly above my belt. “In my mind, that’s who I am. On some level, it’s who I’ll always be.”
“Let’s not argue about how wonderful you are, James. It’s already decided. You’re a top-notch, grade A man. And we don’t need to go to the reunion. You owe those people nothing. Less than nothing.”
“No, you were right to give me the nudge. I need to know that I can be in a room with them and hold my head high.” I released a small laugh. “Grade A, huh?”
“A-plus.”
I felt calmer, Marley’s reaction fortifying my resolve. While I hadn’t honestly thought she would reject me outright, I’d wondered if knowing what a heinous loser I’d been in high school would affect how she saw me. I mean, it still affected how I saw myself.