“Notallof them. I saw a moving van roll in yesterday, so I’ll need to go introduce myself,” I joked. “When you grow up here and teach at the only high school, you meet people. Also, everyone knows Katy because the whole town comes to The Landslide.”
“You really don’t understand the way you affect people, do you?”
I scoffed. “It’s not a big deal to ask someone about their kids. Besides, I’m pretty sure the sophomores would tell you Iaffectedthem last week by causing boredom-induced comas during our poetry unit.”
He gave me a courtesy laugh but then said, “You don’t need to undercut it. You’re a genuinely kind person, Marley. I’ve never heard you say a bad word about anyone.”
I shifted in my seat. “I’m an ordinary level of friendly, James. You just have a skewed view because you’ve always lived in big cities where there are too many neighbors to know them all.”
“You are a lot of things, Marley. ‘Ordinary’ is not one of them.”
My face heated and I looked away, unable to respond. Did he wish I was more interesting than I actually was? At some point, he was going to have to accept I was Mid-Marley and that wouldn’t change.
“We can talk about something else,” he said, grabbing the menu he apparently hadn’t yet memorized. “The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. At least not about that.”
“So you want to make me uncomfortable about other things?”
I meant those words as teasing, but James’s features were serious when he replied, “Maybe.” He lowered the menu and adjusted the beanie on his head. “There is something we should probably discuss.”
I braced myself for whatever it was.Let’s just be friends. I don’t want to go to my reunion with you. The moment on the couch was a mistake.
But James said none of those things.
“Principal Nadal told me this morning they might cut my position after this year.”
What? Oh. Right. I’d almost forgotten about that little hiccup. “Yeah. I know.”
“You knew? How?” His expression transformed from confusion to hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Sorry. I mean, I didn’tknowknow. When Mrs. Allen came to my house on Friday, she told me she’d heard some gossip about the budget. Nothing concrete. I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily until the administration told us more. And I would have said something. Except then we had that moment on the couch—”
“I get it,” he said, nodding. “I’m not going to pretend it hasn’t been on my mind too. Then Principal Nadal added this new component to the equation. Now I’m not sure if maybe it changes that conversation, since there’s a chance I won’t have a job here in six months.”
“And there are no other high schools nearby. No reason for you to stay.” I understood his dilemma. He’d told me how much he loved being a teacher, that he regretted not getting his credentials sooner.
He reached across the table to grab my hand. “Don’t say it like that, Marley. I don’t know what we’re doing here exactly. But whatever it is, I don’t want you to think it would be easy for me to walk away from you, to walk away from our…” he trailed off.
“Friendship?”
“That, and…it’s more now, isn’t it?” He blew out a long breath. “You’re always so straightforward. It’s one of the things I admire most about you. I struggle with that. But I don’t want to use that as an excuse to shy away from being honest about us.” A moment later he ground out, “And I want you to be honest, too, even if you think it might hurt me.”
His gaze had been downcast, but he looked up then, eyes wide and seeking.
“Hurt you? What? Why would you think that?”
“I’m saying you were the one who pulled away from me. And even though I agree it was the right move, I still need to make sure I know why you did it. I understand everything is weird right now, with my reunion, with us being co-workers, and now this budget situation.” He ran his thumb in circles over my wrist. “But if you put the brakes on Saturday because you think us being together is a terrible idea, and you could never see me as more than a friend, I guess I just…need to know.”
I understood. “You want to know if I’m in this, because it might factor into your decision-making.”
“Yes.”
I felt the dilemma within myself. I wanted to argue with him that this was all a moot point, that no matter howin thisI was, he would get bored with me soon enough. But I doubted he’d hear that now, considering he’d just tried to sell me on not being ordinary. Briefly, I contemplated if it would be kinder to lie and say I didn’t want him, to nip this in the bud and make his choices that much easier. Hurt him now to save both of us from pain down the road.
But the thing was, I welcomed the pain. I wanted whatever time I could get with James before the inevitable end. He made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t before, and I planned to hang onto that feeling as long as possible.
Lying about my attraction wasn’t truly an option anyway, considering how clearly James telegraphed his issues. I’d never allow myself to be another person who betrayed his trust. But maybe I could split the difference. He wasn’t the only one that had concerns about who was or wasn’tin this.
“James, I’m attracted to you. And I don’t regret what happened. So, set your mind at ease about that. But let’s be honest about something else. I might have stopped us on Saturday, but you and I both know I’m not the only one holding back.”
