“You made this for me?”
“Our teacher said we could do whatever, and for some reason, I thought of your tattoo. But can you, um, like, not make a big thing? Renn and Archie are always trying to talk to me about my drawings, but I was hoping you could just take it and not make a whole huge deal about it.”
He squared his shoulders, almost daring me to acknowledge the significance of his creative gifts.
“We don’t need to have a big sloppy discussion, if that’s what you want.” I reached over and ruffled his hair like I normally only would with Gage.
“Thanks.”
“But can I just say one thing?”
He looked at me suspiciously but nodded.
“Since you don’t want me to go on and on about how good you are, I just want to tell you that it means a lot that you’re giving this to me. That’s all.”
“Cool.” He zipped his backpack up and slung it over one shoulder. “I’m glad you like it. It’s been…better…since you came back.”
I could have said so much more. How I was falling in love with Renn’s family as much as him, how special I thought Robbie was, and how much I wanted him to know it. I wanted him to know that I cared about his pain, and didn’t judge him for his mistakes, that I understood what it felt like to worry about disappointing people. I wanted to tell him it was okay for him to feel things, to be sad and then find happiness again, to be angry and then forgive. But I kept my word and stayed quiet.
CHAPTER
Twenty-Three
March 22, 2016
Traffic was onmy side again and I reached the studio before our agreed-upon time, even with the unplanned side trip to the house. I went inside and scanned the stations for Renn but the main room was empty. Even though he hadn’t texted me all day, and had apparently been dodging Pete’s messages as well, I’d still hoped he’d be there. I was upset he’d let Hannah maul him, but especially for dismissing me this morning, as well as every other time I’d tried to talk to him recently. Still, between my take-down of Henri and the beautiful painting Robbie had gifted me, the day was looking up, so I wanted to be optimistic. Renn still had five minutes before he was officially late.
Pete came in from the back room. I held up the mitt. “Where’s Gage?”
“At the ballfield with Archie. Players go early for warm-ups.”
“Okay.” I sighed. “I guess I’ll give Renn a few minutes and then just go.”
“Actually, I was hoping we could talk.” He leaned against the wall near me, crossing one ankle over the other.
“About what?”
“I wanted to thank you.”
I wasn’t in the mindset to have this conversation. Not today. I intentionally mistook his meaning, attempting to sidestep the elephant. “It was no problem to grab the mitt.”
Pete huffed out a laugh. “You know full well I’m not talking about the glove. Although I do appreciate that. I wanted to thank you for having my back these past few months. With Renn—”
I put up my hand. “No, Pete. Let me be perfectly clear here. Whatever I’ve said or done has nothing to do with you. I’ve only ever acted in the way I thought was best for him. If it helped you in the process, that was unintentional.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. We both want what’s best for Renn.”
What was he driving at?I reflected on the past year, everything Renn had told me and things I’d seen for myself. The months of Pete attempting to make amends. School pickups. Family dinners. Holidays. Detached text exchanges and even icier in-person attempts at conversation. Always insistent on trying. Leaving Renn very little room to breathe or process his actions, keeping him on edge. Pete had kept his word to be more present in their lives, but seemed to be on a mission to make his presence as provoking as possible.
“Do you really?” I questioned. “Want the best for Renn?”
Pete uncrossed his ankles and stood tall in front of me. “Sadie, I’m not an idiot. I know I’ve been pushing him.”
I hadn’t expected him to just own it like that. I paused before finally asking, “Then why are you doing it?”
“Because I love him.”
I scrunched my face from cheeks to eyebrows. “Huh?”
