Page 71 of The Outline


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Renn and I had no firm plans for this evening other than talking. Hard to believe that an hour ago I wasn’t sure if we could reconcile, fifteen minutes ago we were headed toward possible fun naked time in the bedroom, and one minute ago, his closest family friend had cautioned me this would be a tough road. So how else could I reply?

“Do you think there’s any plain cheese left?”

The next day,I helped Zach with a project at Hal’s. He was switching out some of the current décor with framed posters and jerseys he’d ordered online. Most of the wall real estate still showcased filmy mirrors and neon beer signs, but it was slowly progressing.

He was up on the ladder hanging a poster of three muscular dudes glaring daggers at the camera with the phrase “Legion of Boom” in bold beneath them while we caught up.

“How’s school going?” he asked.

“Good. Some of the basic requirements are sort of kicking my butt. Ten years is definitely too long of a break between math classes, but I think I’ll be okay.”

He chuckled. “Did you decide on a major yet?”

“You know full well I’m keeping that to myself. I have a plan and you’ll find out exactly when you need to.” I smiled up at him as I held the ladder steady. My time with Renn last year had given me the idea for a new career path, but I liked the fact that I was the only person who knew what I’d be studying—at least for now. For so long, Henri had taken charge of my life, and even once I’d gotten back to Los Angeles, I’d run everything by Zach out of decision-making anxiety. But more and more, I was standing on my own and taking control without needing validation.

“Fine, keep your secrets about school.” Zach pulled a level from his back pocket before continuing, “But what about work? Tell me, is Chester’s still the bastion of amazing daytime schedules and free lattes you always hoped it would be?”

“C’mon, babe. Don’t get spicy. I like the coffee shop. They’re willing to work around my schedule and I have free employee parking. Can’t ask for more than that.”

Zach hmphed playfully before turning toward the subject I imagined he was most interested in all along. My love life. I filled him in on my conversations with Renn and Archie, including how I’d told Renn about Henri’s messages.

“It’s so crazy that I almost missed my chance with Renn because of those stupid texts on my birthday. Like Henri had just been waiting for the right moment to reach out and fuck everything up.”

Zach checked the poster with the level, satisfied he had it centered, and descended the ladder. “In your defense, you were a mess after those texts. I saw you.”

“But it still sucks that Henri had that power over me. To stop me in my tracks. I thought I’d done everything I was supposed to do after New Year’s. I walked away and stopped communicating with him. I let myself get close to Renn. Then a few stupid messages come through and it’s like I was back at square one.”

“But your reaction showed you still had work to do, right? That you needed to deal with…” He trailed off.

“It’s okay. You can mention the baby.” Almost two years of therapy had paid off. I could now think aboutallthe things Henri had done to me without worrying about backsliding. “So maybe those texts did help, in a sick, messed up way. Because they forced me to confront this huge pain that I’d pushed down so deep, I hadn’t even realized how much it was affecting me, holding me back. And I’m doing so well now. But I don’t like that Henri had the ability to wreck me.”

Zach cocked his head. “What are you getting at, doll?”

“I’m saying maybe—at some point—I should just see him. Not to let him explain or forgive him, but just to prove he’s not some bogeyman.”

Zach seemed thoughtful for a moment. “I mean…you might have a point. I never would have advocated you seeing him last year, but I think you could handle it now.”

“I think so too. He’s been so in my head since I left Boston, but he’s just a man. Not the antichrist. I’m tired of him having this hold over me.”

“Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back.”

I put down the tape measure I held and pulled Zach into a hug. “Dude, you’re gonna make a great dad.”

“I’m planning on it.” He leaned back to look at me. “And for the record, I’m pretty sure there’s a hot twenty-three-year-old who would like nothing more than for you to depend on him as well.”

“Time moves on, babe. He’s twenty-four now.”

Zach cackled at that and headed toward the office, leaving me to think about our conversation. What would it be like to reach out to Henri? Did I want to fight with him? Congratulate him on his son? Let him try to explain the unexplainable? No. I just wanted to prove to myself he didn’t have power over me anymore. I would keep thinking about it. In the meantime, I had something more important to focus on.

Renn and Ihad agreed to have an actual date on Friday. In the four days between the impromptu family pizza party and then, we texted constantly, sometimes joking, sometimes serious, reacquainting ourselves, reminding me of just how good we could be.

Our plan was for him to come to my place for dinner. The implications of an intimate at-home date weren’t subtle, and I intended to have that honest conversation with him about sex I’d almost started the other day. I wasn’t worried anymore about Henri making unscheduled appearances in my brain, but the scars my ex had left me with would always be there to some degree. Renn needed to understand the depth of those issues. But it was a discussion we’d need to have in person, not over text.

Texts were for fluff.

And dirty talk.

Tuesday