“Car’s outside?” she slurred, and Renn nodded.
“Can you make it there, Mom? I just need a minute.”
She bobbed her head in lethargic reply and reached her palm up to pat Renn’s cheek. “You’re a good boy, Tom. I knew you’d come.”
“Yeah, Ma. I’ll be out in a sec. Door’s open.” She tottered toward an SUV parked near the entrance as Renn and I watched from the doorway.
“What’s your mom’s name?” I asked as I stepped away and busied myself collecting pool cues. It seemed disrespectful to keep thinking of Renn’s mother as Blanketcape.
“Sheryl.”
“I hope Sheryl is okay.”
Renn came over to stand in front of me, stern expression communicating he wasn’t about to be distracted. I shivered. He was so close.
So close, and so fucking beautiful I wanted to cry. God, I’d missed him.
“My mom will be fine. I should have known she’d come here.” His tone sharpened.
I twisted my hands together, leaning back against a pool table. “What do you mean?”
His already level gaze became laser focused. “I asked you why you disappeared—”
“I know you did, Renn, and I absolutely want to tell you—” He raised his hand up.
“I think it would be easier to have that conversation if I answer your question first.”
“My question?”
“About why I should have realized my mother would come here.”
“Um…okay.”
“Because, Sadie…” He wasn’t touching me, but I sensed the heat of his breath as he gritted out, “I’ve been feeling like a chump for almost a year, so confused, and sometimes I try to talk things out with my mom, if I can catch her when she’s sober.”
He stepped away, reaching behind himself to rest his hands where back pockets would be, eyeing me warily. His face looked harder than it had in February. Still, that glow he had, the inner light that had drawn me in from the first moment, shone through resolutely. I owed him an explanation, but I hadn’t been prepared to give him one today. Keeping my knees from buckling was all I could manage.
Renn opened and closed his mouth a few times, hands still clenched above his hips. Eventually, he resumed.
“I told my mom the story of how I met a beautiful girl. How I thought this girl and I had something pretty fucking great, and that, even with everything going on in my life, she made me believe things would be okay. So, I finally worked up the courage to tell this girl, and she said she felt the same, that I made her feel okay too, but she needed time to figure things out. And she said she’d talk to me in a little while. I was expecting a few weeks, maybe a few months. But that isn’t what happened. I sent some texts. An email. Waiting for her reply. And guess what? Nothing…no communication at all. So…I swallowed my pride and reached out again. One text. And another. All unread. On the last try I got a ‘new phone, who dis?’ and I realized that my beautiful, perfect girl had changed her number.”
He took a breath and strode a few lengths of the pool table, again struggling to contain his emotions, and I froze at the evidence of my miscalculation. I’d looked at the situation sideways for so long that I’d missed what had been in front of me the whole time. Renn. Hurting. I’d been waiting for the right time to talk to him, waiting to feel brave and worthy, while he had just been…waiting.
Renn got himself in check and stopped pacing, finishing his story. “I told my mom how I finally had to give up and move on. Because I can take a fucking hint. But I also told her that sometimes I wonder if I should just come to Hal’s on Westwood, where this girl is a bartender, and ask her what happened. And I guess my mom decided to come see for herself who twisted up her son so bad.”
Renn’s shoulders heaved as he met my eyes, sadness and distress tangling in his face. But between his hurt and his anger, it was clear which sentiment dominated his tender heart.
He deserved answers. But where to start?
“Renn, I…” I whispered, stopping to gather my words.
“Before you say anything,” Renn spoke tentatively. “I just need you to admit that what we had was real. If you’re about to tell me I imagined how special we were to each other, then you can just save it. I won’t believe you. Whatever your reasons for ghosting me…I wasn’t making it all up in my head.”
I wanted to pull him into my arms. But I didn’t have the right. His doubts. His anguish…however inadvertently, I’d caused them.
“Renn, I would never try to convince you what we had wasn’t real. Never. Because it would be a lie. I know I did things. Pushed you into a corner. Stopped communicating. But I wouldn’t lie to you.” He was upset, but I knew he wanted it to make sense. I approached cautiously, testing his instinct to retreat. When he remained in place, I hoped it meant there was an opening for him to understand my actions. I reached out to grab his hand and held our palms together, meeting no resistance, aching at our first touch in eight months.
He looked down at our joined hands before I forced his gaze back to mine. “Please hear me when I tell you it was real.” I took a deep breath because I owed him the full truth. “I was falling in love with you. Since the day we met, it’s only ever been you.”
