Even though I already thought it looked amazing, I wasn’t going to argue with the artist, so I taped up my shorts, finally going high enough that Renn didn’t need to help.
It was done.For sure this time. He’d already taken photos, and I felt Renn smooth the protective film over my leg as I stood next to the table. Two stations away, Archie was talking to his client as he bent over the man’s forearm, detailing an intricate puzzle of skulls. The two men were animatedly discussing possible plotlines for the next season ofVikings. Rockabilly was cleaning up after her appointment. She pushed a button on her phone and I grinned as the speakers switched from death metal to different death metal—only faster and in Spanish.
Renn walked me over to the table that functioned as the makeshift admin area and handed me a pamphlet.
“Seriously? After all the trees we’ve murdered, you have more paper for me.”
“This is it, Sadie, the final aftercare reminder. Read it cover to cover. There’s a test later.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I gave him a shaky laugh as I pulled out my phone. A few flicks of my pointer finger and our working relationship would be done. “I just Venmoed you the balance.”
“Thanks.”
I kept Renn’s gaze as I put the phone in my back pocket.
“So I guess you’re not my client anymore.”
“Guess not.”
His left cheek pulled up in half a smile. He took a breath, and I thought he was about to say something else, but…he didn’t. Exhaling, he ran his hands through his hair, taking out the rubber band. As he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, he just…looked at me.
There was everything in that look, a shared understanding. The House Party of Hope. The almost-kiss. Hal’s. The 5K. Hours in this studio. Knowing Pete. And Zach. His brothers. So much between us, none of it clear. Was it all hitting him then, too?
The pace of the water dripping from the ceiling tiles intensified, a hollow bubble bursting noise echoing in the metal can. Archie’s laughter across the room faded to a buzzing in my ears.
Five or ten seconds went by, but it felt like millennia. Why was Renn just fixed in place? After everything we’d been through together, everything he’d said—why the hell was he just standing there? The plastic covering my thigh grew clammy and my pulse jumped. I watched, mesmerized, as Renn swallowed thickly.
I couldn’t be wrong about what he wanted, could I? I’d heard him tell Archie. He’d been pretty unambiguous with me as well.Had he changed his mind?He just kept standing there, silently. Like a sexy mannequin. A sensation of inadequacy, the one I hadfinallyrelegated from constant companion to infrequent visitor, rolled over me in a wave.
And crashed.
Oh God.
My insecurities rioted inside my brain.He’s come to his senses! You’re too old! You don’t have a real job! You’ve got cellulite!I had no business trying to make something happen with anyone right now. The weight of the silence was collapsing me.
I didn’t realize until that moment how much I’d been counting on Renn to take the lead, to do what he’d been doing for months—somehow inspiring me to be the strongest version of myself. And even though it wasn’t fair, I couldn’t help feeling like he was letting me down.
You always want too much, Sadie.
Shut the fuck up, Henri. I’m busy freaking out.
“I guess I’ll…see you around?” I stammered. Excruciating. I turned toward the exit.
But the reality of my imminent departure broke Renn’s stupor. I saw the moment my leaving registered, and he finally moved. It was achingly slow, his inked arm reaching out in the space between us, the space that was so much larger and more fragile than Renn realized. I was still reeling, but when he finally touched me, the sensation broke through.
“Sadie—wait.”
I looked down at his hand wrapped around my forearm. “Renn?”
He glanced over his shoulder at the two other artists, both busy and oblivious to our exchange. “Damn…Sadie.” He used his thumb to rub a faint circle over the inside of my wrist before letting go. “Shit…I’m sorry…I just…”
He took a step back and looked at me, toying with the rubber band between his fingers before flicking it onto the table. There was a waver to his smile, an uncharacteristic jitter in the way he held himself. It was disorienting. This person in front of me, someone unmoored and unsure—he was new. His hesitancy continued to unleash my doubts.
“Sadie, please, I’m sorry I lost my voice for a second there. I’ve imagined this a few times, where you weren’t my client anymore. I’m sorry…I’m…ah…damn…” He shifted his weight again, looking up toward the ceiling as though help would come from that direction. Then finally, almost inaudibly, “…I’m nervous.”
I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but not…that. “Nervous?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”