“Just him,” Cole said, glancing at me before looking out the window. He was clearly upset with me. “Celeste won’t be there.”
“Right.” I forced a smile onto my face. “Sure.”
“She won’t,” he snapped, his eyes flashing. He let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a dick. I just… I was looking forward to having a baby. To try for one. Then all this shit happened.” He gestured around. “It’s just a blow. That’s all.”
“It’s a blow to me, too.” I approached him and rested my hands on his chest. “I’m going to call my doctor and maybe do a few sessions of therapy. Get my head right.”
He nodded tightly.
“Cole, please.”
“Please, what, Rosebud? You want me to be overjoyed?”
“I don’t want you to be an ass. I’m already struggling with all this crap. I was so scared?—”
“Fuck! I know you were!” he bellowed, startling me. I jerked away from him, but he wasted no time in closing the space between us and gripping my biceps tightly. He gave me a shake. “I fucking know it! You’re not the only goddamn person in this, Rosalie! You’re not. You don’t fucking think I didn’t throw up and scream and pray while you were gone? That I wasn’t terrified? That I fucking slept, ate, or just carried on with life? There isno fucking lifewithout you! Goddamnit! I don’t know how to put this to you in a way you’ll understand, but I want you. I want you so fucking much it kills me inside. When I’m not with you, all I think about is you. You’ve consumed every fucking aspect of my life. Everything I do,that we do,is for you. Just fucking give me something in return! Please. I-I want this with you.”
“Why?” I whimpered out as he continued to grip me tightly.
“Because if I ever lose you, I’ll still have a part of you,” he whispered. “I’m scared of losing you.”
We stared at one another for a long time, neither of us speaking, before he released me.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice strained. “I didn’t mean to hurt or frighten you. I get in my head sometimes.”
I wiped at a tear on my cheek. “I get it.”
“You really don’t.” He sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. “I shouldn’t be pushing you on this. I’m fucked up. It’s my problem, not yours. I’ll work on it.”
I said nothing, opting to stare at him.
“Wear the earrings today, OK? You’ll look even more beautiful.” He moved back to me and dropped a light kiss on my forehead, his hands on my waist. I could feel him trembling, though. It broke my heart that he was trying to control his emotions.
“Be safe. I-I’ll fucking die if something happens to you and you get taken from me.” His words were clipped. He let me go before turning abruptly and leaving the room, but not before I saw the tears on his cheeks.
“You’ve been quiet all day,”Anson said as he walked me to the door of the house later that night.
“So have you,” I countered, turning to stare at him as we stood outside the door.
His blue eyes raked over my face before he nodded. “You’re right. I’ve been a dick, huh?”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’re just distant.”
“I guess I feel like I’ve fucked up with you. I said I was your friend and bailed. I should have talked to you about things.”
“What things?”
He sighed and looked away.
“Ani, come on. I feel like I’m losing you?—“
“You will never lose me,” he said, snapping his attention back to me.
“I did for a while,” I whispered.
A pained look crossed his face. “I was still here. I was just… away. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation?—”
