I smile as I watch him, his hand resting on his chest as it rises and falls.
I fall asleep between one blink and the next, waking up to find the bed beside me empty and cool to the touch. Niko’s laughter, clear as a bell, floats up from the kitchen, followed by the low rumble of Andrei’s chuckle. It settles the worry that always comes from waking up alone.
I make quick work of getting ready for the day and wander downstairs, pausing in the doorway to watch the two of them. They’re sitting side by side at the island, playing with a set of plastic cookie cutters. Niko’s arms are flailing around as he shows off what I think is an airplane while Andrei’s pretending to evade him with one I think looks like a rose, but I can’t really tell. Their backs are to me, but I can still hear the smile in Niko’s voice as he talks, oblivious to my presence.
They have such an easy rapport that I’m almost jealous watching them. I can’t tell if I’m envious of Niko for how easily he’s accepted Andrei into his life, or of Andrei for how effortlessly he’s been able to gain Niko’s affection. Before I can decide, Andrei peeks over his shoulder and sees me.
He grins, warm and without hesitation, as if he doesn’t realize I’m spiraling from his confession.
“Morning.” He nods, nudging his shoulder against Niko’s. My son’s head whips around, cheeks round with his own grin. He wobbles in his stool, but Andrei’s hand is firm on his back, helping him keep his balance.
“Good morning, Mama!” Niko drops the cookie cutter and braces his hand on Andrei’s arm as he climbs down, rushing over to give me a hug. I kneel down, opening my arms as I wait for him. “Can we make cookies? Andrei and me found the cookie shapes!”
“You did, huh?” I look over the top of his head, and Andrei shrugs, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Are you sure Andrei has something to do with you finding them? It wasn’t just you?” I poke his ribs, and he giggles, wiggling away while he keeps a grip on my hand, pulling me further into the kitchen.
“He wanted to use them to make toast, but I wasn’t sure if that’d damage them or not,” Andrei says as he watches us.
“Andrei said we had to ask first.” Niko pouts as he grabs the step stool he uses when he helps in the kitchen, stretching to reach for the upper cabinet where I keep my recipe books.
I shake my head as I watch him, his hand not even close to reaching the handle. He stands on his toes, eyeing the counter like he thinks he’ll get away with climbing up.
“Well, for the record, I don’t think toast would damage my cookie cutters,” I say, keeping an eye on him as I take a quick glance at Andrei. His arms are crossed as he leans on the counter, hair still damp from a shower. He’s dressed in a faded black T-shirt and worn jeans that hug his thighs so well I’m almost jealous.
“Good to know,” he murmurs, looking perfectly at home, as if keeping a toddler entertained and quiet is as natural as breathing. He looks like he belongs here. He looks like a dad.
I have to swallow the sudden lump in my throat.
It’s a good thing they get along. Deep down, I know that.
So why is seeing Andrei like this suddenly putting all thoughts to a halt?
“Careful, buddy.” His voice startles me out of my fugue, and I look back at Niko to find him teetering dangerously on his stool. I quickly put a hand on his shoulder to stabilize him, and he settles back onto his feet, huffing with frustration.
“You know, if we make cookies now, you won’t be able to eat them until after lunch.”
Niko looks at me like I’ve grown a second head, and it’s all I can do to hold back a laugh.
“But if we wait that long, they’ll get cold!” His tone is miserable, which I understand.
Is there anything worse in this world than cold cookies?
He looks at Andrei, who chuckles as Niko stomps off the stool, leveling him with his fiercest glare.
“It’s not funny!”
Andrei schools his face into a serious mask, but the corners of his mouth are still twitching with restrained laughter. “You’reright. It’s not funny at all,” he answers, sounding just as serious as my ridiculous son. “I guess we have no choice but to wait until after lunch to make cookies, do we?”
With a dramatic huff, Niko nods. “Cookies later, then,” he announces with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looks ready to negotiate world peace as he puts his hands on his hips. “Can we play outside until lunch?”
Andrei doesn’t hesitate to nod. He looks like he wants to hand the keys to the castle over to the boy who’s looking at him like his word is law.
“Sure thing.” He glances at me while he gathers the cookie cutters scattered across the counter. “If you’re alright with it, I can go play with him. You can have some time to yourself.”
Man, that sounds like exactly what I need.
I nod my permission and he squeezes my hand as he passes me, dutifully tidying the mess and herding Niko toward the door, urging him to put on a jacket.
Just before he darts out the front door, Niko runs back to me and hugs my legs.
