“Why? Who wants to know?”
He makes a face before turning back to the television. “Me. I like blue,” he offers.
“Blue’s good. I like green.”
“What’s your favorite dinosaur?”
“I don’t think I have one.”
“Mine’s a brontosaurus. They’re tall, like you.” I chuckle while he shifts around, making himself comfortable. “I want to be tall.”
“Give it time, kiddo. You’ll get there,” I say, adjusting the blanket around his shoulders. He pays me no attention as he watches the movie.
“Do you love my mama?” he asks as casually as anything, while I turn to stone.
“Why’re you asking that?”
“Because you’re married to Mama like Papa was. And Papa loved Mama, right?”
“Of course he did.”
“So you love Mama, too?”
Fuck. This is a conversation I wanted to have with Blair first, but Niko’s too clever for his own good. Without meaning to, he’s pinned me into a corner. I don’t want to lie to him, but I don’t want to confuse him, either.
“Yeah. I love her. Just don’t tell her that, alright? I want her to hear it from me.”
He nods, fiddling with the edge of the blanket.
“And you love me?”
“Of course I love you. You’re pretty hard not to love, you know?”
He nods with a yawn.
“That’s what Mama says.”
“Well, she knows what she’s talking about. You should probably listen to her.”
With that, he lets the conversation drop. I wait for him to fall still, an exhausted mass wrapped in his PJ’s, before I lift him up and carry him to his room, still bundled in the blanket. He’s shivering, but when I touch his forehead, he’s burning up. If I’m lucky, he won’t remember what we talked about in the morning.
Niko stirs when I tuck him into his bed, clinging to me when I try to leave the room.
“Do you want me to stay?” I ask rather than pry myself loose.
“Yes, please.”
So, I sit next to his bed and hold his hand while he snores, wondering again how I managed to trick him and Blair into this. A year ago, she never would have trusted me enough to watch Niko, not even for a few hours, and especially not while he was sick.
She used to eye me warily every time I came over, which wasn’t uncommon since Daniil was an asshole. It always made me feel like an asshole, too, and I’d make excuses to keep my visits further and further apart as the years went by.
Now? I’m not quite sure how to process everything. I’m not sure how to navigate her allowing me to sleep in her bed, or the way she curls around my pillow when I wake up before her, or the way she studies me when she thinks I’m not looking.
Niko’s lashes flutter against his cheeks as he sleeps, lost in his fevered dreams. He’s accepted me into his life as easily as breathing, and I’ll never be able to tell him how much that means to me.
I stay exactly like that for hours, holding Niko’s hand until Blair cracks open his door, light from the hall filtering in around her silhouette.
“Hey,” she whispers, poking her head in. “You guys doing okay?”
