He threads his hand with mine and presses a gentle kiss against my hair.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Do I even want to know what happened?”
He tenses, and I tentatively look at his shoulder like the small movement will be enough to tear out his stitches. “Probably not,” he answers in a dismissive tone that tells me he really meansabsolutely not. “Try not to sweat it, huh? Andrei’s got me all patched up, and now I get to spend all day in bed with you.” He smirks, and I’m right back to wanting to smack him upside the head.
“You know what we’re going to do with that time?”
His eyes dart down to my lips. “What’s that?”
“Sleep, you ass. You gotshot.”
His chest rumbles under my head as he laughs, throwing his head back against the pillow. I bite my lip to keep it fromtrembling. I could have lost this. Losthim. Daniil will probably never tell me what happened, but whatever it was could’ve been so much worse.
Running a hand through my hair, he settles, looking down at me. “You’re right, that was rude of me. I’ll work harder to avoid it happening again.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, taking comfort in the familiar scent of his cologne, even though it’s tainted by the lingering smell of antiseptic. My mind’s running a thousand miles a minute, and panic beats an unforgiving rhythm in my chest. Now that I’m not freaking out about Daniil, I have to worry about the weight of what I told Andrei.
When I open my eyes and look at the end table, all the notes I’d scribbled down, every piece of information I’ve gathered on the planned drug busts today and for the next few weeks are gone. Presumably tucked away in Andrei’s pocket.
“If Andrei pulls his head out of his ass, he won’t need me anymore,” I realize with an airless breath.
If Andrei decides to listen to me, if he uses my notes and realizes his issues are deeper than I can fix, then he’ll know I’ve never been crucial to his success here, and I’ve gone beyond my usefulness. If anything, I’ve been slowing down their progress so that I don’t have to face the other side of this arrangement.
I haven’t pushed Andrei to realize the truth because I don’t want to be left alone again.
There’s no reason for Daniil to stick around in my life if I’m not helping them. And there’s no reason for Andrei to let me continue living. I’m just a walking liability.
Oh, god.
“Good. If he finally listens to you, then maybe we can wrap things up and head back home.” Daniil shrugs, and I close my eyes, bracing for the inevitable pain. The arm wrapped around my shoulders shifts, pulling me closer against his chest. “I was hoping you’d be open to moving back to Chicago with me.”
I stare at him. Even in my wildest fantasies, I thought he’d ask about having a long-distance relationship, but moving to Chicago with him?
“You want me to come with you?”
His grin is amused, but I feel like he just shifted the ground I’ve been standing on.
“Of course I do. I love you, yeah? Leaving you behind doesn’t really work for me.” I blink, dismayed as he closes his eyes and settles into the bed, relaxing.
Easy for him to say.
His whole life is back there. All he has to do is figure out what to do with this house, and he’ll have nothing to worry about. I’d have to leave behind everything and everyone I’ve ever known and jump straight into the murky waters he’s offering without so much as a life vest. I’d have no choice but to cross my fingers and hope everything works out.
Then again, what would I really be leaving? My family doesn’t talk to me, and it’s not like I have any close friends. I don’t love my job, but even if I did, there are dispatching jobs all over the country. The only person who’d notice if I disappeared today is Daniil.
There’s this house, but do I even want it if I’m going to be alone again? Daniil has his own home back in Chicago, so it’s not like I’d need to keep this one.
“Just say yes, babe. Don’t overthink it.”
What do I have to lose? My peace of mind?
I take a deep breath, then exhale slowly.
What do I have to gain?
I look at Daniil. He’s smirking like he’s just waiting for me to give in.