“Are you going to be in trouble?” I whisper, even as he ushers me toward the atrium, acting as a door to keep anyone else from coming in after us.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “But I’ll deal with that when the time comes. This is more important.” I open my mouth to thank him, but he shakes his head, gesturing for me to go further into the room.
My breath catches as I look at the polished wood coffin, gleaming under the lights. The clicking of my heels echoesagainst the tall walls and stained glass, making the room feel even bigger. I blow out a slow breath and immediately choke on it when I see how pale Daniil looks, how he’s so unlike the warm, lively man that I knew. As I reach out to brush back a stray hair, I flinch when my fingers graze against his freezing cold skin.
His suit is perfect, not a single wrinkle or speck of dust. His tie is straight, tied exactly the way he liked, the knot tight at the base of his throat. Daniil looks perfectly put together, just like he did when he left the house for the last time. If it wasn’t for how still he is, I’d almost think he was sleeping.
God, I wish he was sleeping.
“I’m beyond pissed at you. I hope you know that,” I whisper. The drone of quiet conversation has picked up from the lobby, leaving a comfortable background noise that keeps my words from feeling like a shout in the otherwise silent room. “You promised me you were keeping yourself safe, so what happened?”
I swallow the ache in my chest, laying my hand on top of his as I gently smooth over the back of his bare ring finger. I fought about it with Mila every day, but she put her foot down. She said he wouldn’t be buried with his ring and threatened to keep me from attending the funeral at all if I insisted.
Unfortunately for her, I don’t really give a shit about what Mila wants. I slip my hand into my purse, pulling Daniil’s wedding band out. I give it a kiss and tuck it into the front pocket of his suit. If she won’t let him wear it, then I’ll make sure he can have it with him.
She doesn’t get to pretend I meant nothing to him.
“I wish I could hate you for lying to me. Instead, I’m stuck loving you, and you’re not even here.”
Andrei’s voice as he speaks quietly pulls my focus back to him. He’s crouched in front of Niko, a hand on his shoulder while he tries to squirm away. Andrei looks over his shoulder, and when I catch his eye, I nod. Without a word, he lets Niko go, watching as he darts to my side.
I appreciate that he let me have my moment, but I want to make sure that Niko can have his, too.
There is confusion on his face when he looks at me, and I smile to cover up the way my heart hurts, looking down at this boy who is a mirror image of his dad. He stands on his tiptoes, trying to see inside the coffin, looking frustrated.
“Would you like me to pick you up?” I ask him.
He huffs, but nods. I prop him on my hip, wanting to ask him why he isn’t with Mila, but not wanting to do anything to interrupt him. The confusion on his face doesn’t clear as he looks at Daniil. If anything, he just looks even more frustrated.
“Why isn’t he moving?”
“He’s…” Shit, when is this going to get easier? “It’s like he’s sleeping, baby. He’s sleeping, but he can’t wake up.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s not here anymore. If he could, he would, but…” I trail off, shaking my head even as Niko nods.
“That’s what Andrei said.”
“Well, Andrei’s pretty smart, huh?”
He’s quiet for a long moment before he leans forward, and I adjust my hold around him while he puts his hand on Daniil’s.Eventually he settles back against me, a thoughtful look on his face. “Is it okay if I still love him?”
“Of course it is. He still loves you, and that’s not going to change.” My voice is fierce, and Nikolai rests his head against my shoulder. “I still love him. And I love you, too.” He nods, wrapping his arms around my neck and squeezing tight.
Our quiet peace is broken by a commotion in the other room, and shortly afterward, Andrei steps up to my side. His grim expression tells me that our time is running out, but I’m not sure how I’ll be able to walk away.
I press a kiss to Daniil’s forehead. “I love you. I promise I’ll take care of Niko for as long as I can.” I carefully wipe away any lipstick and force myself to smile. “Do you want to say goodbye?” I ask my son.
Niko shakes his head against my neck, his tears soaking into the collar of my dress.
Chapter 8
Andrei
The endless refrain of theJurassic Parktheme is an inappropriate soundtrack to the fear in Blair’s eyes, but that’s what it’s been for the past month. Every time I knock on her door, she answers it the same way. Opening the door just a crack and peering at me with those big green eyes like she’s scared I’m going to hurt her.
Eventually, she always lets me in, then sends Niko off to watch his favorite movie while I check in with her.