Page 24 of Plaintive Vow


Font Size:

He opens his mouth and closes it, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. I stumble backward, wrapping my arms aroundmy torso as I try to ward off the chill of dread. He steps closer, catching me when my knees feel like they’re going to buckle.

“Daniil didn’t tell me he was on the way. He always tells me when he’s done with work, he…” I blink. My eyes sting, but they’re dry.

It feels like the room’s spinning around me, and I have to close my eyes for a moment.

Andrei uses his foot to gently kick the door shut, taking a moment to lock it before he guides me back into the living room, urging me to sit on the couch. He sits on the coffee table, taking my face in his hands as I try to gulp in enough air.

“He’s gone, Blair.” His voice is gentle, but it cuts me like a blade to my throat. I’m shocked that I heard him at all over the rushing of my blood and my pounding heart. “Things between him and Semyon got heated, and…” He trails off as I shake my head. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“What do you mean he’sgone?” I don’t recognize my voice, and Andrei runs his hand down my arm. I don’t know if he’s trying to keep me grounded or make sure I don’t run away, but I’m grateful for the comfort, as paltry as it is.

There’s conflict written all over his face and I can’t stand to watch, so I close my eyes again. It doesn’t help. Even when I can’t see anything, I still feel like the ground is moving under me, carelessly tossing me around.

“He fought so hard to come back to you guys. He fought so fucking hard, Blair.” His voice is full of grief, his typical predatory grace absent as he holds his hands on my knees. My ears are ringing, and I choke on a silent sob, my chest caving as Ifall forward, unable to hold myself up. He catches me, tucking my head onto his shoulder while I gasp for breath.

I’m going to be sick.

This is a nightmare, and I’m going to wake up any moment.

Daniil can’t be gone.

I need him.

Niko needs him.

“I’m so fucking sorry,zolotse.”

I claw at his jacket, desperate to find any signs of deception, but there’s nothing. Just sympathy and worry that makes me numb.

I blink, and the tears I didn’t know I was missing spill free.

I’m not aware that he’s picked me up until he sets me down on my bed, prying his jacket free from my grasp. His thumb smooths over the back of my knuckles while I bite my lip to the point of pain, holding back screams that want to claw out of my chest.

“Try to get some sleep. The rest can wait until tomorrow.” His whisper barely penetrates the fog that I’m stuck in, but my body must understand him because soon after I pull Daniil’s pillow to my chest, I fall asleep.

***

As I wake up, it feels like someone has cut me open, hollowed out my insides, and stuffed me full of cotton. I feel the pounding in my skull, but it’s distant, almost more like a memory than an actual feeling. It feels like my eyes are glued shut. I burrow myhead into the pillow as I take a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to force myself to fall back asleep.

Sleep brought a merciful numbness, but now that it’s gone, the cotton is fading away.

I’m not ready to feel the full force of the hurt again.

I’m not ready to face anything.

Sunlight streams through the window, mocking me, and I squeeze my eyes closed even harder.

The reasonable fragments of my brain tell me that I need to get up. That I need to take care of Nikolai and figure out how to tell him what’s happened. That I need to check in with Mila.

Oh, god. Has anyone told her yet? What if they haven’t?

I can’t do it. She already spends all her time ignoring me, but this? This will break her. As it is, I don’t know how I’m going to help Niko through this. Adding her grief on top of both of ours will destroy me.

Where the hell am I supposed to go from here?

Giggling echoes through the door, and it’s enough to push me into sitting up, grimacing when I realize I’m still dressed in yesterday’s clothes. At least if Niko’s laughing, he’s probably entertaining himself long enough for me to take a shower and change. I doubt it’ll make me feel any better, but at least I’ll feel more like an actual human being.

When I step out of the shower, I wrap myself in my comfiest sweats, letting my wet hair drip down my back. I step out into the hall, freezing when I smell food cooking.