At that point, I'd have done anything for her – anything but that. My mind was frantically searching for another way, a shred of hope, anything. I couldn’t lose her. I just couldn't. Not forever.
Seizing on the only hope I had, I made myself ask, "And if I do promise you? What then?"
She looked away. "I don't know."
I could hardly talk, but somehow I managed to choke out, "Are you saying there's a chance?"
"Yeah. Slim to none."
She was hurting. And once again, it was all my fault. "I am so fucking sorry," I said.
"You already said that."
Just then, Chucky skidded around the corner, with one of my socks dangling from his teeth.
Chloe looked at her dog and said, "C'mon Chucky, time to go."
My voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't go. Please?"
She gave me a hard look. "Where's my promise?"
"I can't."
"Alright, fine. Whatever. I guess it's all about you, huh? Heaven forbidyoudo anything you don't want to."
What could I say to that? Not a fucking thing.
Because she was right.
Chapter 46
Standing there, the cold, hard reality slammed into me. All this time, she'd been hurting for money. But she hadn't asked me for a dime.
Her "vintage" car wasn't vintage. It was just old.
I thought of the dead battery that had kept Chloe from driving home the other night. I'd been such a dumb-ass. Yeah, I'd given the battery a jump. And I'd driven the car back to her place. And then, what had I done? I told her in a half-assed way that the battery needed replacing.
A new car battery – it would've cost me almost nothing. What? A hundred bucks? To me, that was pocket change. But I'd been poor once. A hundred bucks was a fortune when you didn't have it.
And then, there was the house. Chloe lived on just the other side of my fence. But she wasn't reallylivingthere, was she? She was working there.
No wonder she hadn't wanted me inside. It wasn't a home. It was a place of employment. I thought of all the money that I'd pissed away on stupid shit that didn't matter. It wasn't a fortune. But to someone who didn't have any, it might as well be millions.
All this time, I'd been blind and stupid. What the fuck was wrong with me? Here, I claimed to love her. But all I'd seen was a rich girl in a rich neighborhood. And then, when I'd figured out that she wasn't exactly what she seemed, what had I assumed?
That she was a fucking prostitute.
If she left me now, it would rip out my heart. But I deserved that. So, somehow, I made myself say what needed saying. "Okay."
She was still glaring at me. "Say it."
I could hardly choke out the words. "I promise."
She gave me a slow nod, and turned away, walking toward the door.
I should've let her go. It was the decent thing to do. But even now, I was a selfish bastard at heart, because I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Wait."
She turned around. The look in her eyes said it all. Even now, I was living down to her lowest expectations.
