Sometimes, I thought I was losing my mind. Who knows, maybe I was. But a couple days before Thanksgiving, I tried to shake it off by going for a run someplace different.
In the end, I didn't shake off anything, because I'd just rounded a bend in the nature trail when I stopped short at the sight of something that knocked the wind right out of me.
It was Chloe.
For real.
Chapter 50
I stood, frozen in my tracks, as I drank in the sight of her. The way it looked, she hadn't yet spotted me. I took advantage of that fact, staring at her with a hunger that gnawed deep into my heart and made it hard to breathe.
Her eyes were on Chucky, and her mouth was upturned in a faint smile that looked more sad than happy. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part, as shitty as it was.
As for Chucky, he was doing what he did best, spazzing out at something in a nearby cluster of evergreens. Any other time, I might have smiled.
I loved that dog.
I loved the girl.
I recalled what she'd told me the last time we spoke, on that awful day when I'd accused her of having sex for money. In my mind, I could still hear her words.
"Don't write me. Don't email me. Don't text me. And, if you see me on the street, don't wave to me. Just leave me alone, alright?"
She'd been crying.I'dmade her cry.
Standing on the path, I was still watching her. This wasn't the street, but did it matter? I recalled something else she'd told me that day. As long as I'd known her, she'd never asked me for a damn thing – except for that one promise, the promise to leave her alone.
And like an idiot, I'd given it. So now, in what felt like a giant kick to the teeth, I'd have to stand here and pretend this wasn't killing me. I'd have to stop myself from flat-out begging for another chance. I'd have to act like she didn't exist at all, as if sheweren'tthe only thing that mattered in my whole fucked-up world.
Standing there, I knew the exact moment she spotted me. I could see it in her eyes and feel it across the distance, and not only from her. From Chucky, too.
What now? Should I leave? Stay? Finish my run like I hadn't seen her? In the end, it didn't matter, because I was powerless to move.
Chloe glanced over her shoulder toward the nearby parking area. From this angle, I couldn’t see her car, but the way it looked, she could. I held my breath, wondering if she'd hurry to her car and drive away.
But she didn't. Instead, as if facing a demon that had been tormenting her for too damn long, she squared her shoulders and continued on her original path.
In front of her, Chucky was going nuts, straining at his leash and whining like he always did when he wanted some attention. Watching him, I tried to smile. But I couldn’t quite pull it off, not even for him.
When he barreled into me a moment later, I wondered if Chloe would pull him away. But she didn't. Instead, she stood silently off to the side while I crouched down and ruffled Chucky's fur, feeling my heart melt as he welcomed me like I was his second-favorite person in the entire world.
Funny, I still carried treats in my pocket. Suddenly, glad to have them, I pulled out the package and tore it open. I shook some onto my hand and let Chucky have as many as he wanted, which turned out to be all of them.
Smart dog.
Through all of this, I was obscenely aware that Chloe was standing within arm's reach. I could talk to her. I could wrap her in my arms and wipe the worry from those suddenly sad eyes of hers.
No. I couldn’t.
Because I'd promised. And I was going to keep that promise if it killed me. Funny, it felt like it just might.
Gently, Chloe picked up her dog and cradled him tight against her body. She met my gaze one last time before continuing down the trail with Chucky whining in her arms and his leash dragging behind them.
I watched until she was out of sight. I said her name, so soft she would never hear it. And then, I drove home and got so fucking drunk that I forgot my own name.
But I never forgot Chloe.
Chapter 51
