She opened her mouth, hesitated, and then clamped it shut again.
"Yeah," I said. "I thought so."
She shook her head, and her voice grew painfully quiet. "Maybe it's just time to accept it."
"Accept what?" I asked.
"That we just don't belong together."
I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. "Is that what you want?"
"I don't know." She ran a shaky hand through her hair. "I can't think right now."
At the thought of Chloe walking out the door, maybe forever, I felt myself swallow. What if she was telling the truth? What if all of this was my own damn fault for having such shitty friends?
I thought of her house. What if she had a good reason to keep me out? I couldn't help but recall that on the night of my birthday party, Bishop had gone inside without her permission. He'd broken in, if you could call it that. What if somehow, she'd found out?
What if all of this – all the secrets, all the mysteries, all of her reluctance to let me inside – what if it all boiled down to problems thatI'dbrought into her life?
If she walked out now, I'd never know.
I couldn't let her leave. Not now. Maybe not ever. I spoke, softly in the quiet room. "C'mon. Sit back down."
She looked at me, and then at the door. I waited, wondering if I'd have the will to let her go. I thought of life without her. I didn't like it.
With obvious reluctance, she sat back down, farther away this time. I couldn't help it. I closed the distance and wrapped her in my arms. She trembled against me, and I felt like the world's biggest asshole.
Tonight, yeah, the knife hadn't been real. But her fear had. And if her theory about Brittney was true, it was my fault for bringing this ugliness into her life.
The more I thought, the more it made sense. And the more it made sense, the worse I felt. This was all my fault, and it was time to admit it.
"I'm sorry," I said, whispering into her hair. "You've had a shitty night, and I'm being an asshole. It's just that you've got me all tied up in knots, and I'm trying to go slow. But I can't. Not with you. Because I don't want to."
I felt her body relax. "Really?"
I kissed her forehead. "Really."
She pulled away and looked into my eyes. "You know what scares me?"
"What?"
"It's that you're right," she said. "I know we're going too fast. But no matter what I do, I can't seem to make myself slow down." She gave me a shaky smile. "I guess I don't want to either."
I ran my hand along her face, the face that I wanted to grow old with. "That's good, because there's something I want to say."
"Yeah?" said that familiar voice from the doorway. "Me too."
Bishop. Shit.
I turned to glare at him. It was official. I was going to have to kill him.
Next to me, Chloe was glaring at him, too. "Will you stop doing that?"
Bishop shrugged. "Yeah. Sorry." He turned to me. "But I'm serious. I need to talk to you."
"Later," I told him.
"No," Bishop said. "Now."
