When I answered the Parkers' ad, I approached it the only way I thought they'd hire me. I acted like I didn't need the money.
There was only one problem. At the time, I hadn't known about Lawton. I didn't know that we'd get together, or realize how the secrets would pile up. By now, Lawton knew it wasn't my house, but that was pretty much all he knew.
I wanted to keep it that way. And I wanted to tell him everything.
So, what did he think now? That I was some rich guy's mistress? The niece of the owners? Some surgeon's love child?
I took my agreements seriously. As part of the deal with the Parkers, I had a strict confidentiality clause. They didn't want a single person to know they were out of town, and I honestly couldn’t blame them.
And even if I wanted to tell someone, Lawton would be a terrible choice. He had baggage of his own, starting with his brother, who had a nasty little habit of breaking into people's houses when they weren't there.
But was that my only reason? I recalled what Lawton had said about Brittney. He'd practically called her a poser. In truth, I was a poser, too. Sure, I was a paid poser, but did that make it better or worse?
My head was swimming, and the silence stretched out.
Lawton's question hung in the air, getting heavier with every step. After a couple of minutes he said, "Is this your way of telling me no, that it's over?"
Up ahead, I spotted the Parkers' house, a two-story brick Tudor nestled behind a long, tree-lined driveway. It wasn't my home, but it almost felt like it. I'd been here weeks already. I was scheduled to be here most of the winter. Chucky felt like my real dog. Lawton felt like my real neighbor.
More than my neighbor, actually.
I felt like I belonged here. There was only one problem.
I didn't.
Eventually, whether I told him directly or not, Lawton would learn that for himself. When that happened, would he call me pathetic too? Would it be any less pathetic if I told him directly?
And if I did, would he tell his brother that the owners were out of town? And would his brother use that information to steal more than a glimpse at my driver's license?
There were too many questions on not enough sleep. At the foot of the Parkers' long driveway, I stopped, turning to face him.
He stopped too, looking down at me with parted lips and wary eyes
As I studied his face, I considered how easy it would be to melt into his arms and tell him everything. We could start over, no more secrets, no more barriers.
Or maybe, he'd decide I was just another Brittney. Maybe Iwasjust another Brittney. Were we really that different?
"Chloe," he said. "I do love you."
I looked down at my feet. "I love you too. But I'm not sure it's enough."
"It's enough for me," he said. "The first time I saw you, I just knew."
I looked to the horizon. The first streaks of pink appeared in the eastern sky. "It's really late," I said.
He turned to follow my gaze. "No. It's early, remember?"
"Lawton," I said. "I'm not sure you really know me. And if I'm being really honest, that's my fault not yours. But it is what it is."
"I do know you," he said. "At least all that matters."
"No. You don't," I said. "And honestly, I probably don't know you very well either."
"You wanna know me?" he said. "Come with me tomorrow."
"Where?"
"You'll see."