"The rest of it. Sit back down. Alright?"
Oh God, there was more? Well, it's not like it could get any worse, right? Wordlessly, I sank back down and tried to ignore the sudden ache in my heart.
"Iwantedto scare you," he said, "to show you what a bastard I was, to let you see for yourself how I treat the girls I’m with."
From the sounds thatI'doverheard, he treated those girls pretty darn good. But somehow, I didn't think he meant in the bedroom. "What do you mean?" I asked. "How do you treat them?"
He made a hard sound deep in his throat. "Like garbage," he said. "I use them a time or two. And when I'm done? I just throw them away."
The more he talked, the uglier this truth was sounding. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.
"Because," he said, "there's a fucked-up part of me that wishes you never saw that side."
"Only apartof you?" I said.
"Yeah. Because there's another part, maybe a bigger part, that's glad you did."
I shook my head. "I'm not following."
"The thing is," he said, "girls like Maddie. I've had my share."
Probably, he had more than his share, but that wasn't the point, was it? "So?" I said.
"So it's what I'm used to. I never wanted anything else. I never wanted to want anything else."
"What are you saying?" I asked. "That you want something elsenow?"
The question hung in the air, and the longer he went without answering, the more I regretted asking it.
But then hedidanswer. "Yeah," he said. "I shouldn't. But I do."
Fearful of embarrassing myself, I tried to keep my tone casual. "What is it that you want?"
"I dunno." He shoved a hand through his hair. "It's all messed up. That's why if you're smart, you'll go back to bed and forget you saw me here."
I gave a little shake of my head. "Why?"
"Youknowwhy," he said. "Because, the girl who's got me thinking, youknowwho it is."
I held my breath, wondering if he'd actually come out and say it. And then I wondered if this was just a stupid dream. Maybe Iwasstill in bed and just didn't know it.
But then he spoke in a voice filled with such longing that it took my breath away. "It's you."
