In front of me, the cold air was rushing in. Behind me, the heat was rushing out. Between us, the air crackled with that huge question –hisquestion – which I still hadn't answered.
I'd dreamed of this. I'd wanted this. I'd even fantasized about this, just last night, in fact.
Deep in my heart, I knew with absolute certainty that Joel was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And yet, I couldn’t help but recall that he'd left me – not just once, but twice, without giving us the chance we deserved.
I still didn't know what to say. But Ididknow that we couldn’t stay out here forever – so with a light tug, I tried to pull him to his feet, saying, "We should go inside."
He didn't budge. "No."
I was almost too breathless to speak. "No?"
"No," he repeated. "Not 'til you say yes." He gave my hands a tender squeeze. "Iknowyou want to."
"How?"
He gave me the promise of a smile. "I can see it in your eyes."
He was right. Ididwant to. I let out a ragged breath. "You're right. But…" I paused. How could I explain?
His gaze probed mine. "But what?"
"But when I saw you last, you said—"
"Whatneededto be said."
"What?"
With no trace of a smile, he added, "It was the hardest fucking thing I ever did."
"It was?"
"Baby, you've gotta ask?" His voice softened. "That was for you. Not for me."
I recalled some of the things he'd said – in particular, something about not wanting to drag me down into the mud. In my mind, I could still see the look in his eyes as he'd pushed me further and further away. They'd been anguished beyond description.
And now he was here, looking at me with eyes filled with so much love, it almost made me want to cry. I bit my lip and tried to think. What if thiswasa dream? If I said yes, would I wake up?
Joel gave my hands another squeeze. "Baby, just listen. Everything's different now. Youknowit is."
It was then that I realized something. He was right. Everythingwasdifferent now. Back in that deserted parking lot, the suspended sentence had been hanging over both of our heads, like a dark, dangerous cloud.
For him, it had meant the very real possibility of prison, surrounded by strangers who wanted him dead. For me, it had meant a long public spectacle regardless of which way it went. Even if Joel had beaten the charges, it would've been a train wreck of epic proportions.
Suddenly, my heart felt lighter than it had in forever. The way it looked, Joel had wanted to sparemein the same crazy way that I had wanted to sparehim.
If that wasn't true love, what was?
Joel's voice, more urgent now, broke into my thoughts. "No one – and I meanno one– could ever love you like I do. You're everything to me. Just give me the chance. I'll prove it. You won't regret it. I promise."
His words drifted over me like a warm, wonderful dream.
But it wasn't just his words that made it impossible to say no. It was the deep realization that, before Derek's awful threats, I knew exactly how I would've answered this life-changing question.
I would've said yes without a moment's hesitation, and I would've counted myself the luckiest girl on Earth.
I felt my shoulders relax. I couldstillbe that girl.
As time stood still, I gazed deep into Joel's eyes and saw, once again, a truth I couldn’t deny. His love for me, like mine for him, had been there the whole time.
