Page 42 of Something True


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Chapter 18

As it turned out, I didn't throw up. But a half-hour later, as I rode the elevator back down, I was almost wishing I had. If nothing else, I might've felt better – in body, if not in spirit.

Over my objections, Luna had insisted on escorting me back to the lobby. It was so thoughtful, and yet, so terribly misguided. Just because I hadn't thrown up in the penthouse was no guarantee that I wouldn't lose it somewhere on the way down. And the motion of the elevator wasn't helping.

Luna gave me a concerned look. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Already, she'd asked me this at least ten times. I forced yet another smile. "I'm fine, really."

Her brow wrinkled. "No, I don't think so."

Hoping to ease her concerns, I said, "I'm just worried. That's all."

"About Joel?"

I nodded. It wasn't even a lie. "If he keeps on fighting, he could still get in trouble."

"I guess so. But trust me, I've seen them do a lot scarier things thanthatand get away with it."

In spite of my queasiness, I was intrigued. "Like what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't ask." With a sudden smile, she added, "But I swear, they have the luck of the devil. It must run in the family or something."

I wasn't so sure. From the little Joel had told me about his childhood, I wouldn’t have called any of them lucky. Still, I said, "Let's hope so."

"So what are you gonna do?" she asked.

It was a good question, and one I'd been asking myself non-stop for the past thirty minutes. My first instinct was to drive down to where Joel was fighting tomorrow – someplace in Cincinnati – and tell him everything that I'd just learned.

Maybe we could start over, and this time, Derek would have nothing to hold over our heads.

But even as I considered this, a little voice in my head reminded me that I'd tried such an approach not too long ago. True, I didn't have all the informationthenthat I had now, but I'd practically begged Joel to come back with me.

And he hadn't.

At the memory, I blinked long and hard. Didn't he lovemethe way I lovedhim?

Across from me, Luna said, "Are you sure you don't need to lie down?"

I tried to laugh. "I don't lookthatbad, do I?"

She hesitated. "You don't look bad exactly, but you've been looking queasy ever since you showed up."

Heat flooded my face. "Oh. That? I'm just tired. That's all."

She looked far from convinced. "If you want, we could go back upstairs. You could take a nap or something."

I didn't need a nap. I needed a new life.

I needed Joel.

But did he need me?

And why wasn't I thrilled? The dark cloud that had been hovering over us had just vanished.Poof. Gone.And yet, I couldn't help but wonder if that truly changed anything between us. If I sought him out yet again, would it be a repeat of what had happened the last time?

And why was it, I wondered, that it was alwaysmeseekinghimout, and not the other way around? Had I no dignity at all?

I looked to Luna and said, "Can I ask you something?"