"It's the middle of the night."
"So?"
"So the town's shitty, and your car sucks."
"Oh, is that so?"
"You know it is." His voice grew quieter. "He'll watch out for you."
"Oh," I said, my tone growing snotty. "Thanks ever so much." My stomach was in knots again, and why wouldn’t it be? The last couple of hours had been a roller-coaster ride of epic proportions.
Now, I was rocketing downward with no bottom in sight. I wanted to scream and not in the fun way. "What's your deal, anyway?"
"I already told you."
"No," I said. "You haven't. Not really. So just go ahead. Spell it out, alright?"
"Alright, you wanna know?" Without waiting for my answer, he plunged on. "In my life? There's no place for someone like you."
The statement was a dagger straight into my heart. "Someone like me? What do you mean?"
"You think I’m in trouble? Well, maybe I am. And maybe it's gonna suck. And maybe I don't want you to be part of that."
What a crock."Oh," I said, my tone growing snotty again, "so you're doing it for me? Is that what you're saying?"
"No. I'm doing it for me." His eyes were anguished. "If anything ever happened to you—"
I gave a snort of derision. "That's funny. Something's 'happening to me' now." It was true. My heart was breaking, but I was almost too angry to care.
He glanced away. "It could be worse."
I knew firsthand, it couldalwaysbe worse. But that wasn't the point. Obviously, Joel had made his decision. And short of begging, there wasn't much I could do.
Funny to think, Ihadbegged. On the day he left, I'd begged him to wait. And then, after he'd gone, I'd left countless messages, begging for him to call me back. And even tonight, I'd practically begged him for whatever that was outside my car.
I was such an idiot. Even now, after everything, I was like two seconds away from begging him to reconsider.
Suddenly, I was tired of begging. What was the point, anyway? Even if I convinced Joel to change his mind, what then? He'd just change it back tomorrow.
Oh sure, maybe tonight, he'd hold me and kiss me and tell me that he loved me. But it wouldn't be a forever thing. That much was obvious.
When it came to Joel, I didn't want something temporary. I wanted him forever – or at least I had. But now, I wasn't so sure. If he could give me up so easily, what did that really say? Did I love him more than he loved me?
Who knows? Maybe he didn't love me at all, at least not in the way that mattered.
I took a shaky breath and said in the coldest voice I could muster. "Alright. If that's what you want."
"It's not what I want. It's—"
"You know what?" I held up a hand. "Just spare me, okay? What are you gonna say? That you're doing this for me? That you're gonna save me from pain or danger, or cripes, even public disgrace? Well, let me tell you something, I don't want to hear it."
I forced something like a laugh. "And now, you're gonna make your friend follow me to the highway? Well, thanks for nothing."
Joel's gaze blazed into mine. "Wanna know why I won't do it?"
I gave a half-shrug.
He said, "Because I'm not sure I'd stop."
I gave him a thin smile. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'd find a way." And with that, I opened the car door and got out. A second later, I slammed the door so hard, I swear, I could hear the widows rattle.
Afterward, I didn't even look back, even though I sorely wanted to.
