"Nice of you to say so."
I pulled back to study his face. "If you don't mind me asking, why were you so bothered?"
He glanced away. "It's complicated."
That wasn't the answer I wanted, but it seemed heartless to push it, especially after he'd given me so much already. But then, he surprised me with an odd question of his own. "You ever hurt people?"
I felt my brow wrinkle. "You mean, like hurt their feelings?"
"No. Like beat on them 'til they're half dead."
I stared at him. I didn't know what to say. Obviously, the answer was no. But surely, Joel knew that already. I hesitated. "That's not a serious question, is it?"
"No."
"Then why'd you ask?"
"So you could feel whatIfeel."
"You mean, when you fight someone?"
"Yeah. That." Joel looked away. "I fuckin' hate it."
"So why do you do it then?"
"Why else? For the money."
"Is it worth it?"
"I dunno." He shoved a hand through his hair. "I used to think so."
I was still trying to understand. "So, are you a pacifist or something?"
At this, he actually laughed. "Hell no."
"What's so funny? I mean, you told me you hated fighting."
"I hate fighting for money," he said. "But I’m no pacifist."
I had to ask, "What's the difference?"
"There's nothing wrong with fighting for what you believe in." He reached out and brushed a warm finger along the side of my face. His voice softened. "Or to protect someone you love."
My breath caught. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying, if someone ever hurt you, I'd beat them to death and love every minute of it."
I swallowed. It was sexy and scary, and yeah, just a little bit confusing. He'd also used the L-word. Sort of. I wanted to say something in return, but I didn't know what.
Abruptly, Joel pulled back and said, "Anyway, fighting ran in the family, so here I am." He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Creating things on one side, and destroying things on the other."
"By creating, you mean the paintings, right?"
Joel nodded. "You know what it was like, coming up after my brothers?"
"No. How was it?"
"It sucked."
