I tried to smile. "I brought it up, because you looked bothered by my stupid 'nasty' comment. It just made me wonder what you were picturing." I looked away. "So I was trying to lighten things up. You know?"
Right. Because nothing says "smile" like "Let's envision your brothers naked."
Joel's voice, softer now, reclaimed my attention. "That's not the thing that was bothering me."
I turned to look. "Then what was?"
"You looked hurt, and I didn't know why. I still don’t." He studied my face. "What'd I say?"
He looked so sincere that I had to confess. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that you think I'm a nice person." I hesitated. "It's just that I know that's not very exciting." I tried to laugh. "But I guess we can'tallbe the life of the party, huh?"
"You think 'nice' is a bad thing?"
"No. Of course not. I mean, we all want nice friends, right?"
Joel leaned closer. "Let me tell you a secret."
"What?"
"I don't like you as a friend."
Even though I'd already suspected as much, his words were a balm to my jangled nerves. And yet, he was missing the point, so I tried again. "Right. I mean, I know, because we've kissed and stuff. So it's not like I think you're repulsed by me or anything."
"Repulsed? You're kidding, right?"
Damn it.The more I talked, the worse I sounded. "I'm just saying, nice isn't terribly sexy, you know?" My face was flaming now. If I was lucky, the darkness hid the worst of it. And if I was unlucky? I only prayed he had a tomato fetish.
Joel looked at me for a long moment. "You're wrong."
"I am?"
He nodded. "Wanna know what I think?"
"What?"
"Nice girls? They're sexy as hell."
Chapter 50
My breath caught. Suddenly, he wasn't looking at me like I was merely a nice person. He was looking at me like I was the only girl in the world.
That look only solidified something that deep in my heart, I already knew. I wanted him, and I didn't want to wait until some arbitrary timeframe when I knew him better.
After all, I knew everything that was important. He'd come through for me when practically everyone else had let me down. I hadn't asked him to, but he had. He was amazing – strong and thoughtful, with a wild streak that sent my pulse jumping.
In fact, it was jumping now, and not only because he was irresistible.
It was because I knew all too well that happiness could slip away at a moment's notice, and that if you didn't, at least once in a while, enjoy life's blessings when you had the chance, those singular moments could slip away, leaving you cold and empty, lost in a house that was way too big for only one person.
But tonight, I didn't feel lost, and he'd just called me sexy. So, with a whispered "thank you," I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. His lips were soft and full, and so sweet that all of my doubts vanished in an instant. I leaned into him, loving the feel of his body, so hard and tight, as his mouth moved against my own.
I let my tongue dart out between our lips, and my pulse gave an extra little jump when our tongues met in the middle. He tasted like red wine and felt like forbidden fruit. I wanted more. So much more.
But already, he was pulling away, just like he always did. His hands slid from my back and settled on my hips, even as he took a half-step backward, as if to put some distance between us.
I wanted to whimper in frustration.
Why did he pull back?I studied his face, but found no clue. It was like the windows of his soul had been deliberately shuttered, blocking me from seeing anything inside. Breathlessly, I asked, "Is something wrong?"
