"I already told you. No. Never."
"You sure about that?"
"Definitely." And I was. Whatever Derek's problem was, it didn't stem from any romantic interest. I was absolutely sure of it.
When Joel said nothing, I said, "Oh come on. You have brothers. Andyoudon't always get along, right? And just because someone leaves a rude note, it doesn't mean they have a crush on someone."
"A crush?" Joel said. "The guy's an asshole. And he's jealous. It's a dangerous mix. You know that, right?"
"But there's nothing romantic about it, so he can't be jealous."
Joel's mouth tightened. "There's more than one kind of jealousy."
"Yeah," I said. "I know. Like right now? I'm jealous that we're spending so much time talking about this."
At Joel's stony expression, I took a deep, calming breath. "Listen, Isoappreciate that you care about this, but come on. Last night was totally crummy, and I don't want tonight to be, not for either of us. So can't we just put it behind us?"
Joel gave my pocket another long look. Finally, he said, "Alright. If that's what you want."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
And then, he added, "But only because you're gonna tell me what's going on."
Something in his eyes told me there was no point in arguing. After all, we'd agreed to swap secrets, and this was definitely part of it, for better or worse.
This is why, a few minutes later, we were standing side-by-side on the back patio. Together, we gazed out over the endless dark waters of Lake Michigan, illuminated only by the nearly full moon. The interrogation hadn't yet begun, and I wasn't looking forward to it.
But at least we were no longer arguing. After walking through my front door, I'd reminded myself that none of this was Joel's fault. If it weren't for Derek's stupid note, we'd probably be having a perfectly lovely time.
True, we'd both agreed to spill our secrets, but this wasn't the way I'd envisioned it.
The night was warm with a cool breeze coming off the lake. Even here, high above the water, I could hear the waves lapping at the rocky shoreline below the bluff.
Hoping to ease some of the tension, I'd gone into the kitchen and pulled out one of my birthday gifts – a bottle of cabernet from Dorothy the librarian. I'd filled two glasses – one for me and one for Joel.
Even if he didn't need it, I did.
With my glass in-hand, I watched him from the corner of my eye as he gazed out over the water. As forhiswine, it remained mostly untouched, sitting on the wide railing in front of us. Next to his glass, I'd placed the half-empty bottle, which I'd lugged out here, just in case.
Watching him now, I couldn’t help but notice the difference betweenthisJoel and the pissed-off guy who'd yanked the note out of my hands.
He was a mystery, full of too many contradictions to count. He was sweet, but tough. Sensitive, but stubborn. Sexy, but slow to make any moves.
Was I complaining? I wasn't sure. April had been right. I wasn't quick to jump in the sack. But a sack with him? Nowthatwould be something.
Already, I knew he was a great kisser. And from the little contact we'd had already, I knew that I loved the feel of his rock-hard body against mine.
Of course, this had been through layers of clothing. But it's not like we'd been wearing padded parkas or anything.
Even so, it was more than his body, or those soulful eyes of his, that made my heart flutter and thoughts run wild. It was a feeling that I couldn't quite describe, like I'd only scratched the surface of who he really was.
Joel's voice, quiet, but laced with steel, interrupted my thoughts. "So, are you gonna tell me?"
I gave a little jump. "Yeah. Of course." I turned to face him. "That's why we're out here, isn't it?"
Like me, he had turned inward, and was now facing me instead of the water. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, I tried not to squirm under his penetrating gaze.
I said, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but…" I hesitated. "Why is this so important to you?"
