"How wrong?" Anthony asked.
I let out a long breath. "You don't wanna know."
Steve leaned forward. "You didn't shit in them or anything? Did you?"
Through clenched teeth, I said, "No. I didn't 'shit' in them. God, what kind of person do you think I am?"
"Hey," Steve said, "Chill. I was just askin'."
Anthony spoke up. "So whatdidyou do?" He gave another bark of laughter. "Pee in them?"
"Oh shut up," I said. "I just mushed up a couple snacks from the vending machine, stuffed them into a couple of glasses, and topped them off with seltzer-water."
"What kind of snack?" Anthony asked, his eyes brightening. "Like arealMoon Pies?"
Moon Pies were a type of snack cake, made with graham cracker cookies and marshmallow filling. According to my sister who'd been living in Alabama, you could find Moon Pies in practically every vending machine down South.
But here in Michigan, they weren't exactly a common thing. Today, I'd been willing to improvise. As it turned out, that wasn't exactly a good thing.
"No," I said. "I used this other snack cake thingy. It might've been a Ding Dong, but I'm not sure"
Steve snorted. "And you got fired forthat? Damn, your boss sounds like a real hard-ass."
"Actually, he's not," I said. "It wasn't just the drinks. It was the other stuff."
Anthony gave me a puzzled look. "What other stuff?"
Where to begin? I let out another long sigh. "Well, because I thought it was you guys, I didn't 'act professional' when the customers complained."
"Oh yeah?" Steve said, leaning forward again. "What'd you do?"
Just thinking of it, I sank lower in my seat. "I wrote this stupid 'note' and asked the waitress to deliver it. Told her it was an apology and promised her that the customers would totally love it."
Next to me, Anthony asked, "Did they?"
Reluctantly, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the so-called apology. It was crumpled and sticky from spilled beer and whatever else had been slopped across on the bar at the time. I flung the wadded paper at Steve and watched as he smoothed it out and took a look.
A second later, he burst out laughing.
As for me, I wanted to cry. "Well, I'm glad someone's amused," I said, "because the customers sure as heck weren't."
