“Wonderful. Then I don’t exactly think you’re shit, either,” she replied curtly, removing his hands from her arms. “Glad we cleared that up.”
He sighed heavily. “It’s not my secret, okay?” he replied impatiently. “It’sour secret. I didn’t tell you because Dax doesn’t want anyone to know. And it’s not that bad.”
Penny looked up at him, her eyes narrowed. “Does your brother play a big role in your life?”
Confused, he blinked at her. “Um, yes. I guess so.”
“And did you think about telling me?”
He opened his mouth but didn’t know how to respond.
“Fine,” she said tersely, averting her gaze and tapping her phone.
“Penny.”
She didn’t react.
“Penny!”
She turned her back to him.
“Good God, Penelope! What are you doing?” he asked impatiently, taking another step toward her and taking her hands between his so she would stop tapping her screen.
“Calling an Uber! My car is at home. Gareth gave me a ride earlier.”
He sighed. “You don’t need to call an Uber. I can drive you home.”
“No, thank you,” she replied coolly, pulling her hand away from him.
“Penny!”
“No!” she snapped. “Stop saying my name, stop manipulating me with your stupid, soft, dark voice. I’m allowed to be angry and you’re allowed to not care. God.” She pressed a hand over her eyes, seemingly to calm herself down, before saying in a composed voice, “Jack, it’s okay, you know? You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to tell me why no one in the world knows you’re brothers. You don’t have to tell me why you were so angry at the pool last Friday before I…I distracted you, or why you don’t normally have sex during the season.” She swallowed. “But I can’t risk everything to be with you without even knowing what drama I’m getting into. I can’t risk my career for a guy who obviously doesn’t trust me and who I can’t trust either.”
He laughed dryly and buried both hands in his hair before looking down and taking a deep breath.
What did any of this have to do with trust? He trusted a lot of people, but that didn’t mean he was bothering them with his personal crap! God, this was new territory for him. Everything about this situation was new.
“You’re right,” he stated slowly, unsure how to explain to her that he didn’t quite know what he’d done wrong. “I hadn’t thought about telling you about Dax. Just like for ten years, I haven’t thought about tellinganyoneanythingabout my past orfamily. I’m not used to it, okay? It’s news to me that someone even wants to know what’s on my mind, unless it has something to do with hockey. I’m used to keeping secrets. I didn’t tell anyone at school that my dad drinks too much, because he didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t tell my brother that it was our mother who kicked me out of the house, because I didn’t want him to think less of her. I didn’t tell the world we were brothers – I’m trying to make life easier for him and my sister. And, yes, I have a sister!” He sighed. “It’s…it doesn’t come naturally for me to burden anyone with the shit that haunts me because, for the most part, I’ve always been on my own. So, yes, I’m sorry I didn’t think about telling you about Dax. Or sharing my anger with you. But I’ve had no one to share it with for the past decade. Hell, until recently, my siblings barely talked to me! So, yes, you’re right. I’ve told you so little — but still more than anyone else in my life. And just because I prefer to keep some things to myself doesn’t mean you can’t trust me. Actually, quite the opposite, right? I could keep your secrets just as well.”
Silence spread between them, a thick, cold silence that shimmered uncomfortably in the air between them, disturbed only when Penny whispered, “You haven’t talked to anyone about your private life in ten years?”
He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger. No. He hadn’t. He couldn’t have talked to anyone. He’d kept half his life and a hundred percent of his past secret from his family. “Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he murmured.
For a few endless seconds, Penny just stared at him with her lips slightly parted. Then she nodded.
“Good,” he said with relief. “That’s…good.” As long as she was still in his company, nothing was lost.
The silence in the car was no longer uncomfortable but strangely familiar. Jack had a strong feeling of déjà vu. This was exactly how he’d felt when he’d come home from the airport with her: a little nervous and expectant. Yet, at the same time, he wondered if he should back out.
It was too late to change his mind, though, wasn’t it? He’d fallen for her long ago. He’d fallen for her when she’d stolen his whiskey. She wanted him to be honest, and maybe…maybe he could be.
It was dark outside and the blurry lights of the city drifted by like migratory birds, fueling his insecurity. Could he be honest? Where would he even begin?
“You know I’d want to know,” Penny’s quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts.
He blinked and glanced at her quickly. “What?”
“I’d want to know,” she repeated harshly. “What kind of shit is bothering you? I’m interested in that stuff. I’m interested inyou. But I understand that it’s hard to break habits. So…I guess I just wanted you to know. Your problems aren’t crap to me. They’re precious details of your life that tell me how you became the man sitting next to me right now. And…” She swallowed. “…the man I quite like.”
