Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to retreat into my mind. Let the darkness devour me, let it loose upon the world. I could live in the fantasy world it created for me while it did whatever bloodthirsty things it wanted.
No, I won’t let them win. I will not sink into madness and despair. I can’t. I’m the oldest; I need to stay strong for my sisters. They need me. I’ll do whatever I need to so that they might be free from this hell.
It has to be tonight. There’s no other choice.
***
The driver stops beneath some trees in a secluded area. Pudgy, greedy hands grope me, his grunts filling the air as his tiny dick pumps into me. It’s over within seconds, hardly worth lifting my dress for.
“Did you come, babe?” he asks in a hopeful voice as he zips up his pants.
“Mm-hmm,” I vaguely reply, straightening my dress as I roll my eyes. “You were amazing.”
Sliding back into the seat, we take off, silence descending as we pull up in front of Flagstaff PD.
“Can I have your number?”
“Sorry, I don’t have one.”
And with that I leave him behind, stepping up onto the sidewalk, ready to tell my story and help my sisters. Fear and elation burst through me, hope sparkling in my eyes as I push open the double doors of the large white and brick building and step into the air-conditioned station.
A woman behind a counter eyes me with distrust, running her gaze from my black platform heels to the barely-there dress I was forced to wear. “Can I help you?”
My hands are shaking so badly that I fist them, willing myself to calm down. “Please,” I barely whisper, hardly able to get anything else out past the thundering of my heart. “Please help me. I need to speak to an officer.”
Brows lowering, she looks at me harder, assessing. Pointing over to her left, she replies, “Go sit over there. I’ll have someone come out to speak to you.”
Gulping, I nod, taking a seat as directed. Crossing my legs, I can’t stop the nervous twitching. The clock on the wall across from me reads seven eighteen. I should be at the auction right now. If anyone phones Papa to tell him I’m not there…
Closing my eyes, I blow out a deep breath, and then another, willing my heart to calm down.It will be okay, they’ll help. We’ll be free.I repeat this mantra to myself as the clock keeps ticking away, the hand never stopping, the minutes passing by as my dread grows.
Leave. Run. Go now!My intuition has me jumping to my feet just as an officer walks up to me.
My world comes crashing down around me, the hope I had earlier burning to ashes in a lake of despair and anguish.
“Hello, Rebecca. I think it’s time I took you home.”
“Earl” as I know him by, bundles me out of the station before tossing me into the back of one of the police cruisers. Backing up, he puts the lights on, the red and blue glow lighting up everything around us as he drives me back the way I just came.
Earl is one of the regulars at our house. Rosalie, fourteen, is his favorite. It can sometimes take her days to recover from one of his sessions. He’s a vindictive fucker who uses intimidation and fear as his weapon of choice.
I didn’t know he was a fucking cop. But I should have been smarter. I should have prepared for this. Of course, Papa has dirty cops on his payroll. Earl probably doesn’t even have to pay for his sessions.
Tears stream down my face as we leave the town behind, each mile taking us closer and closer to the walled hell and what awaits within.
***
Present
Cars and lights and buildings streak past me as I stare unseeing out the Jeep’s window. Trey’s warm hand rests on my knee as he keeps his eyes on the road, his ticking jaw and narrowed eyes the only indication of his feelings as he listens to my story.
This is the first time I have told it, not having anyone else to tell it to—and as difficult as it is, it’s also freeing.
I have never trusted anyone, not in a long time. Once, I had people. I know that. When I allow that locked box in my mind to open, just a slither, I grant myself a peek before slamming it shut again. But it’s been a very long time, and I wonder at myself for trusting this man sitting beside me.
There’s something there, though, that calls to him. Some part of me, never noticed, or maybe long forgotten that recognizes him. A part of me that craves his touch when I can stand no other. That craves his hands and mouth on me when all others cause me to shiver in disgust.
Why? I cannot say. Maybe it is because he is like me. Iseehim, I recognize the darkness he carries, it speaks to my own. Even when he wears that mask, the one that reflects the outside world while at the same time, concealing him, I see him. He is undeniable, a force of nature, and one that I’m not sure I could stay away from even if I tried.
