“You’ve lost a lot of blood,” I said, and my voice vibrated off the bathroom tiles. “I don’t think you’re supposed to sleep.”
He smiled weakly. “That’s with concussions.”
I scrambled up and then pulled him up next to me. “Can you walk?” I asked.
“I’ll manage,” he said, limping away from me, his hand on the wall.
My T-shirt was damp from his head on my shoulder. Mechanically, I started cleaning up the mess, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. What just happened? What did I almost do? This time wasn’t like with the peaches. This time it was all me.
Conrad slept right through dinnertime, and I wondered if I should bring him some food but decided against it. Instead I heated up one of the frozen pizzas I’d bought, and then I spent the rest of the night cleaning the downstairs. I was relieved that everybody would be here tomorrow. It wouldn’t be just me and him anymore. Once Jeremiah was here, everything would go back to normal.
chapterforty-three
Everything did go back to normal. I was normal, Conrad was normal: it was like nothing happened. Because nothing did happen. If he didn’t have a bandage on his leg, I’d have thought I dreamed the whole thing.
The boys were all down by the beach, except for Conrad, who couldn’t get water on his leg. He was in the kitchen, getting meat ready for the grill. Us girls were lying by the pool, passing a bag of kettle corn back and forth. Weatherwise, it was a perfect Cousins day. The sun was high and hot, and there were only a few clouds. No rain in the forecast for the next seven days. Our wedding was safe.
“Redbird’s kind of cute, no?” Taylor said, adjusting her bikini top.
“Gross,” Anika said. “Anybody with a nickname like Redbird—no thank you.”
Taylor frowned at her. “Don’t be so judgmental. Belly, what do you think?”
“Um… he’s a nice guy. Jeremiah says he’s very loyal.”
“See?” Taylor crowed, poking Anika with her toe.
Anika gave me a look, and I smiled a sneaky smile and said, “He’s very, very loyal. So what if he’s, like, a smidge Cro-Magnon?”
Taylor threw a handful of popcorn at me and, giggling, I tried to catch some with my mouth.
“Are we going out with the boys tonight?” Anika asked.
“No, they’re doing their own thing. They’re going to some bar with half-off Irish car bombs or something.”
“Eww,” Taylor said.
Glancing back toward the kitchen, Anika said in a low voice, “You guys never told me how hot Conrad is.”
“He’s notthathot,” Taylor said. “He just thinks he is.”
“No he doesn’t,” I defended. To Anika, I said, “Tay’s just mad because he never went for her.”
“Why would he go for her when he was your man?”
I shushed her. “He was never my man,” I whispered.
“He wasalwaysyour man,” Taylor said, spritzing herself with more suntan oil.
Firmly, I said, “Not anymore.”
For dinner we had steaks and grilled vegetables. It was a grown-up kind of meal. Drinking red wine, sittingaround a table with all my friends, I felt adult. I was sitting next to Jeremiah, and he had his arm around my chair. And yet.
All night, I talked to other people. I didn’t look in his direction, but I always knew where he was. I was painfully aware of him. When he was nearby, my body hummed. When he was away, there was this dull ache. With him near, I felt everything.
He was sitting next to Anika, and he said something that made her laugh. I could feel my heart pinch. I looked away.
Tom stood up and made a toast. “To Belly and J-Fish, a really”—he belched—“amazing couple. Really freaking amazing.”
