Maybe I didn’t see her. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. Or the light was. Or it was wishful thinking that she was looking, even if she didn’t want to let me in.
“Okay.” I give my head a gentle shake and order an Uber. “Enough.”
It’s clearly time to go now.
The next night, I’m relaxing on Serena’s love seat.
Well, relaxing might be pushing it a bit. I’m as relaxed as I can be for a woman who still hasn’t heard from or seen the person she’d been kinda dating for a month, and also, a woman saying goodbye to somebody who’s become a very dear friend. So, not really relaxing at all.
“When is your flight?” Serena asks, her voice as soft as I’ve ever heard it.
“Tomorrow afternoon,” I say, and those words somehow make it all real. I am leaving Rome. Tomorrow.
“You’re sure you have to go already?” Serena says, her voice tinted with sadness. Then she laughs softly. “I say already, but you’ve been her for what?”
“Nearly three months,” I say. “I’ve just about finished my book, though, so I’ll need to go meet with my publisher and my agent eventually and get things all squared away.”
“That’s in New York City?”
I nod and sip the excellent wine Ria’s opened. “I’ll be at my place there for a bit and then head upstate in time to spend Thanksgiving with my family.”
We’re both quiet for a beat or two before Serena meets my gaze. Hers is gentle, her eyes wet. “Well,” she says softly, “I will certainly miss you, my friend. It’s been a joy having you around.” She turns to Reggie, who’s all curled up next to her in her chair, as usual. “And I will absolutely miss this guy.” She strokes his head, and he lets out a long, happy sigh, one of those sounds a dog makes when it’s completely content.
The lump in my throat ignores my attempts to swallow it down, lodging itself solidly. My own eyes well up. “You have made my stay in an unfamiliar city so much more comfortable than it might have been. I don’t know how to thank you.”
We’re both crying now, and we laugh when we realize it, each of us standing up and reaching for the other. We hug tightly for a long moment, until Serena lets go and waves her hands in theair. “Okay. Enough of that.”
We sit back down and both reach for our wine. Something to do with our hands while we collect ourselves. It takes a few minutes, and it’s nice to be around somebody who gets it. She doesn’t rush me, and I don’t rush her. She beats me to feeling normal again, so she’s the first one to speak.
“What about Marina?”
“What about her?” I ask. It doesn’t come out snarky, but it’s maybe a little chillier than I intended.
Serena tips her head to one side as she regards me. “Ouch.”
I frown and shake my head. “She is clearly not interested in talking.”
“What do you mean?”
The expression on Serena’s face tells me she doesn’t know any of this, has no idea that Marina has been avoiding me for two solid days now. I sigh my frustration. “She won’t talk to me. We were together two nights ago. That’s when I told her I was ready to head home.” I take a sip of wine because just telling the story makes my heart squeeze in my chest. “She basically sent me home. Right then. I mean, she didn’t throw me out, but it was pretty damn close to it. She said that I’m the one who said it was just casual, and I should go. I’ve been texting her and calling her for three days. I’ve been to her flat twice now. She refuses to talk to me.” It’s when I stop to take a breath that the depth of my hurt around the whole situation rears its ugly head, and my eyes well up again. “It’s been really hard to have her just shut me out like this.”
Serena is genuinely surprised. Her raised eyebrows and slightly widened eyes tell me so. “That’s very unlike her.” She says it quietly, almost to herself, like she’s thinking out loud. When she looks up at me, her eyes are clear and a little sad. “Maybe it wasn’t so casual for her after all.” She sips her wine, and her eyes never leave mine.
“I mean—” I cut myself off with a dismissive wave of my hand, but I’m pretty sure my own emotions mirror Serena’s. I don’t even know what to say at this point, because maybe things weren’t so casual for me either. But admitting that would take things to a whole new level of complicated, a level I just don’t think I’m ready for. I flick my hand once more and try to cover myself with a sip of wine.
“She can be very stubborn,” Serena says, and the fondness in her voice is unmistakable. “Just ask her mother.”
I grin. I can’t help it. Her words about Marina don’t surprise me at all. “I’m sure.”
Serena sighs heavily and looks off into the night sky for a moment before returning her gaze to me. For a second or two, I think she’s about to say something profound to me, but instead, she simply smiles and says one more time, “I’m going to miss you, my friend.”
The tears make a return appearance.
I can change my flight.
I could, right? It would make sense to do so. It feels crazy to leave like this, with Marina refusing to see me or talk to me or even answer my texts. Yes, I’m annoyed that she’s being this childish, but I also woke up this morning feeling like I had a boulder sitting on my chest. I’m not sure I’ve taken a full breath in almost four days.
I get up and shower, giving myself a bit of time to think about it. I’m pretty well packed up, but I could find one more outfit if I needed to. I’ll just bump the flight a day. Two at the most.
