And then, of course, her mind wandered over into Sabrina Land again, and she wondered if she wanted kids, wondered what kind of mother she had, what kind she’d be, how they’d be as parents together…
“Oh my God, stop,” she muttered to herself. Because she was straying into dangerous territory now. Sabrina wasn’t her girlfriend. They were fuck buddies at best, and she hated the term, but it was accurate. It was what they’d agreed to.
Did she want them to be more?
A sigh, because she had to sit with that one for a bit.
She hadn’t signed on for more than the physical. She had zero idea if Sabrina had any of these same thoughts. The woman wasn’t from here.For love of all that is holy, stop this train of thought. Right now, her brain screamed at her, but hopping off said train was hard. She focused on the little girls again, who were now looking for rocks, if Adley’d heard them correctly. Their blond hair was in matching ponytails, and their little flowered shorts matched. One girl had a purple shirt and the other pink. They were probably four or five years old and had those little-girl laughs that sounded like tinkling glass. It wasn’t long, though, before their grown-up was packing up their stuff and telling them they needed to get home because it was past their bedtime. That comment prompted Adley to glance at her phone.
Eight forty-five.
No texts.
Sabrina must be working late.
She’d been nursing her wine but now took a healthy gulp. The cheese was getting soft from being out in the open, and the pepperoni had gone a little shiny. She cut a piece of the cheddar and topped a cracker with it, then popped it into her mouth. Chewing slowly and watching the water was what she did for the next twenty or so minutes, trying to give Sabrina a little more time. But when her phone read nine fifteen and she still hadn’t heard, she sighed and started to pack things up.
So much for a romantic evening at the lake that might lead to something else.
There was hurt. She admitted that to herself, then was immediately annoyed. Sabrina didn’t owe her anything. Yes, they’d slept together, but they’d made it pretty clear what this was—physical release for two very busy people who were attracted to each other.
“How busy can I be if I found time to make a charcuterie picnic at the lake?” she muttered as she shut the trunk, then was instantly mad at herself. “Oh my God, stop it. You have no right to be mad.”
And she wasn’t mad. But she was stung. A little bit. With a sigh, she got into the driver’s seat and started the car, then sat there for a quiet moment. It had gone fully dark and the lights from different locations around the lake twinkled happily. She picked up her phone and typed.
You missed a beautiful night on the lake…
No. She wasn’t allowed to guilt Sabrina. That wasn’t fair. She deleted and tried again.
Sorry to have missed you. Next time. Sweet dreams…
She read it over and over. Nine words and she went over them three times that. Finally deciding it was a good, kind, honest message, she hit Send.
She blew out a long, slow breath of disappointment and shifted the car into gear.
* * *
“You are a fucking coward.”
Sabrina stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Glared at it. Pointed at it.
“A fucking coward.”
Adley’s text had come just before nine thirty. Sabrina hadn’t been busy. Well, she had been—she’d had paperwork spread out all over the dining room table and her laptop open—but she wasn’t doing anything that couldn’t be set aside. She could’ve gone to the lake. Absolutely. She wanted to go to the lake. But there was no way she could be around Adley now and not tell her who she worked for, except she didn’t know how to do that. It wasn’t guaranteed that Sweet Heaven would put Get the Scoop out of business, but it was certainly a possibility. Especially if the public records were correct. Get the Scoop was strugglingfinancially, its yearly profits decreasing a bit over the past three years. That made her feel worse because she wanted to help.
It was now after eleven and she hadn’t texted Adley back. Such a fucking coward.
God, how did this get so complicated?
She clicked the light off and headed toward her bedroom. The day had been lovely, and the night was the same. Adley had been right—it would’ve been perfect for sitting by the lake. Maybe with a little wine. Some cheese or something. She slid under the covers of the bed that wasn’t hers in the house that wasn’t hers and sighed as she reached for the bedside lamp and clicked it off. And before she even realized it was coming, her eyes welled up.
“Oh, comeon,” she whispered to the dark of the empty room. But the feeling didn’t abate, so she let it come, then lay there as hot tears slid sideways from her eyes into her hair and waited them out.
She had to tell Adley. No, they didn’t owe each other anything, but she owed her that. She did.
Feeling slightly better about the decision, she rolled onto her side and waited for sleep that avoided her for pretty much the entire night.
She tossed and turned for the next six hours and logged maybe a total of two hours of sleep within them. By five thirty in the morning, she gave up and decided to do something she hadn’t done in weeks: take a run. She’d chosen this particular Airbnb for its location. She could walk to the hip Jefferson Square—get a feel for the public in Northwood, what was popular and what times of the day—and the site for the new Sweet Heaven location wasn’t far from there. It was a lovely sixty degrees, so she donned leggings and a closely fitting T-shirt, pulled on socks and sneakers, and grabbed her earbuds. She pulled her hair into a ponytail, did not nearly enough stretches, and headed out.