“In my defense, you’re not exactly a fan of influencers and social media in general.” Okay, that came out a bit too snarky, and she grimaced.
“Did you just think I’d never find out?” Ellis was clearly incredulous. “Were you justnevergoing to tell me?”
“No, I was.” Ellis shot her a look that said she clearly didn’t believe that. “I planned to, but I kept putting it off and putting it off and then…” She shrugged because she didn’t really have an acceptable ending to that sentence.
“And then two months went by.”
“I’m sorry,” she said and was annoyed when her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry. I just…I didn’t know how to bring it up after you talked about your sister.”
Ellis gave a small nod. “I scrolled through your pages. I spent a lot of time last night and this morning doing that after my assignment came and I saw the pictures and recognized your friend with the purple hair.”
“Your assignment?”
A nod. “I write forThe 11th Commandment.”
Cherry gaped at her in disbelief. “That online tabloid rag that airs people’s dirty laundry? You never told me that.”
Ellis’s eyes flashed at her. “I guess we’re even then.”
Cherry felt her own anger zap through her but managed to keep her mouth shut because no, they weren’t even.
“Your posts are…” Ellis shook her head as she looked off over the water. “They’re not even you. They’re…altered. Filtered. Airbrushed. And fake. Way too perfect. And”—her shoulders dropped, and shesighed and looked completely defeated—“maybe thatisthe real you, and the one I’ve spent two months with is the fake version. I don’t even know at this point.”
“No, no, that’s not true.” Cherry sounded desperate, and she knew it, but she didn’t care. Because shewas. Shewasdesperate. Desperate to keep from losing this woman who sat next to her with the most disappointed eyes she’d ever seen.
“Which isn’t?”
“The online version. I doctor that up so much. I use filters and editing and airbrushing and—”
“Fake girlfriends.”
“Andafake girlfriend. Yes. One.”
Ellis looked at her then. Held her gaze. And Cherry felt like she was searching inside her, looking for her soul, coming up empty. “But why?”
How could she answer that? The truth made her sound horrible. Vain. Self-centered. And she couldn’t lie. Not again. She could never lie to Ellis again. Shewouldnever lie to Ellis again. She lifted her shoulders and let them drop, then sighed. “It’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
“Be a phony?”
Ouch.
What could she say to that? Ellis didn’t understand, couldn’t. And Cherry couldn’t blame her, after what happened to her sister. Grasping at straws, she tried to explain. “Be better than me. I grew up with not a lot of money and not a lot of love. Nobody saw me. I kind of floated through school. I don’t think my teachers could’ve picked me out of a lineup. I kinda thought that was going to be my entire life. Just floating through, disturbing nothing, being noticed by nobody. Then, I managed to get partially through college, and I became friends with Shea and Adam, and they helped me build some confidence. Shea especially helped me…be less hard on myself. She turned me on to Instagram and Snapchat and TikTok, and I really got into social media. I followed different influencers, and Shea told me all the time that I could easily do that. So I gave it a shot, and I was surprised to find out that Ireallyloved it. And I was good at it. Iamgood at it.”
Ellis said nothing, looked completely unimpressed, but was listening, so Cherry went on.
“As time went by and I gained followers, I started to realize that it was something I could do more. Maybe actually make a living at, down the line. A career. This may come as a surprise, but working at an insurance company isn’t my dream job.” The stab at humor fell short. Way short. Cherry continued, “I met Andi at a beerfest. I’d been following her for a while and tried to emulate things she did. She’s kinda my idol in all of this.”
“Influencing is not really doing her any favors, though, is it? If her wife is cheating on her?”
Yeah, that was an extra bit of information she hadn’t even begun to digest yet. Poor Andi. “I guess not,” she said quietly and the wind was suddenly completely gone from her sails. Explaining anymore just seemed silly. “I’m really sorry, Ellis.” A beat of silence went by, then another. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry I kept this from you.”
Ellis had barely looked at her this whole time, and that continued. She stared at the water, at the people walking by, at the dogs on leashes. Anywhere but at Cherry. Her throat moved as she swallowed. It was when her eyes welled up that Cherry reached over and put her hand over Ellis’s. Ellis pulled hers away.
Another ouch.
“I don’t…” Ellis shook her head. “I don’t even know what to do with all this. It’s about the last thing I ever expected.”
Cherry nodded, words leaving her head like dissipating steam. The lump in her throat felt huge, the size of a peach, just stuck there.
