Anna, Beth, and I start the ascent up the high-rise. I’m deep in my thoughts when Beth leans over and whispers, “After we put Anna down for the night, I think you and I should have a glass of wine and talk.”
The look she gives me makes it clear we’re not about to discuss the latest telenovela she and my mother have been binging on Netflix.
I nod and silently hope that when it comes to her bartending skills, she has a heavy pour.
I’m clearly going to need it.
fifteen
As soon as wemake it into the apartment, Beth shoos me away, telling me to feel free to shower and get out of the clothes I’ve been wearing all day while she supervises Anna’s bath and helps her pick out her jammies for the night.
My first instinct is to insist that I do all of Anna’s nighttime routine, given that’s what I’m being paid for. But the final look she gives me as waves me off with a flick of her wrist brooks no argument.
Truthfully, I think I might need a minute to myself if I’m going to survive the second portion of the evening—a nightcap with Mateo’s mother.
It’s not like I haven’t had countless wine nights with my mom and Beth, talking about the latest neighborhood gossip or recent life updates from extended family in Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic.
It may sound weird to some, but I truly looked forward to nights where the three of us lounged on my parents’ couch with old-school salsa playing softly in the background.
But in reality, those were some of the few social settings where I felt like I could let my guard down.
It’s silly for me to be nervous about having this sit-down with Beth, since she has sincerely become like a second mother to me. But just like my mother, she has the influence and power to make me feel like I’m currently guilty of something. Of what exactly, I’m still not sure, but tell that to my anxious thoughts.
I quickly strip in my colossal bathroom and step into the instantly warm water. It feels like my body releases a deep breath when I’m under the massaging spray. The precision is so exact that I don’t even need to wear a hair cap to keep my hair from frizzing.
My body feels wound up. I slowly massage the shower gel into my shoulders and will the stress away.
I know I need this job, but I underestimated all the baggage that came along with it. Even though my primary focus is Anna, I can feel myself slowly seeping back into the world that turned its back on me.
The baseball world.
Seeing Anthony’s face brought a mix of joy and trepidation.
Although I love him and Denise dearly, life is much easier when I avoid them and the world they orbit in by staying cooped up in my little bubble.
But now that I’ve stepped into Mateo’s world, all that has changed.
And while I know Mateo is the king of the jungle when it comes to professional baseball, it still makes my skin crawl that this world also includes my ex, Jeremy.
Nope.
Not going there tonight. Or ever.
I turn off the shower and dry myself off with the most luxurious towel known to man.
Mateo’s not home for the night, so I forgo a bra and throw on a cozy, oversized sweater along with basic black leggings and fuzzy socks.
I make my way out to the kitchen to prepare a late-night snack for Anna before she goes to bed, along with water for her bedside table.
It’s interesting, because when my mother brought up the idea of being Anna’s nanny, I couldn’t turn down the opportunity fast enough. Not because she isn’t the world’s greatest kid—I’m sure I saw a trophy naming her that on her bedroom bookshelf—but because I couldn’t envision myself taking care of another living, breathing human being when there have been days in my past that I could barely take care of myself.
But now, as I cut an apple and scoop up a spoonful of peanut butter onto a plate, I can’t help but smile.
I’m not Betty Crocker by any means, and you won’t hear me waxing about how putting others first makes me the happiest woman alive. I made that mistake once, and I’ve clearly learned my lesson.
And seriously, if you’ve never sat on the couch watchingVanderpump Ruleswith a glass of sauvignon blanc and Thai takeout food in front of you, have you truly even lived?
But I can’t deny that there’s something to be said about a child’s unfiltered joy entering your life. I would happily push back watching any of my Bravo shows for one of Anna’s YouTube tutorials on whatever subject is scratching her brain that day. And swap that glass of wine for homemade slushies she loves to make in the fancy blender. Although the wine here isn’t the two-buck chuck kind, so I might swipe a glass for after her bedtime. But still, the sentiment is the same.
