“Mom, you know I would never turn you away,” I chide.
She tilts her head. “Are you sure? Because it’s been radio silent from your end, and even though I know exactly how I messed up on that call with you last month, I would have still liked the opportunity to apologize for my mistake.” She exhales heavily when I stay quiet.
It’s hard for me to think back on that traumatizing moment, where I found my best friend’s apartment ransacked after she was kidnapped, only to have my mom ask me, hours later, if I could introduce her to her billionaire boyfriend.
“My actions were inexcusable, Nikki. I don’t know where my cables got crossed in my head or how I allowed myself to speak those words. I probably have a few ideas, but that’s not what this call is about. It’s about me apologizing to you and hoping that with time and action, we can move on.” She tenses at the end of her sentence, fear of rejection clear on her face.
“What do you mean by action?” I ask.
She smiles. “I knew you would pick up on that. After the holidays, I started seeing a therapist. On my own. I know we’ve done the therapy thing before, but I think before I can be a better mother to you, I need to figure out how to be a better human to myself.”
“You’re seeing a therapist?” I’m barely able to contain my surprise.
She nods. “When you stopped answering my calls, I realized how lonely my world is. You are the only family I have left, and like everyone else in my life, I managed to push you away too.” She shakes her head. “But we can talk about my issues another time. I’m sure you’re busy at work right now. I just wanted the chance to apologize and let you know that I will try my very best to do better, to be better.”
Unfortunately, I can’t blame these tears on my period.
“Thank you, Mom,” I say between tears. “It means so much to me to hear you say that. And please don’t think that you’ve pushed me away. It was just a hard time, and I needed space after everything was said and done.”
We both dry our tears and laugh at the sight on our screens.
“I’ve also written you a letter. Aside from the apology you deserve, my therapist and I worked on something that I would like you to read. In your own time.” She sighs. “I’m not doing this so you pity me. And it’s not an excuse for my actions, but I do think it’s time that I let you in and show you parts of me that I’ve kept hidden from you.” She hesitates. “It’s a saved email draft. So you say the word, and I’ll send it,” she says anxiously.
As a mental health counselor, I know how hard it is to put your feelings into words and share them with others. I’m proud of my mom for taking this step. But as her daughter, I’m still wary of this rapid turnaround.
“Sure, Mom, you can send it. I might not read it right away, but I would love to have it and read it when I’m ready.”
Our relationship won’t be fixed in a day. Hell, it may even take the rest of our lives to get it back on track. But knowing that my mother is taking the appropriate steps to be a better version of herself softens my heart. I don’t know if being in love has turned me into a mush, but I’ll gladly accept her olive branch for the time being.
I look at the time on my desktop and realize I have thirty minutes left before my next meeting. I know we have lots to discuss, but I figure now is a good time to break the ice.
“By the way, Mom, guess who I finally met while on vacation.”
43
Antonio
Every womanI love is in this room, and they’re all sobbing.
Evan just proposed to Amelia at my dad’s apartment, and I swear they’re going to burst the windows with their screams and cheers.
I, on the other hand, am enjoying making Nikki squirm by standing too close to her or accidentally brushing past her on multiple occasions. She knows she can’t do much to fend me off, because that would be like blood in the water for these chisme sharks. My tías y cousins, non-blood related, can spot any inkling of gossip. So I know Nikki is walking on eggshells, trying to keep her cool.
Luckily for her, all the attention is on the newly engaged couple, as it should be. I watch Amelia pull Nikki in for a hug, and I can physically feel my heart bursting with love. Nikki beams at Amelia, wiping away her tears, as she gushes over her new engagement ring. She rapidly tells her to get ready, because she is already in wedding planning mode for her. Seeing Nikki stand by Amelia makes me look forward to the day when Nikki wears my ring on her finger and carries my last name.
I smile at the thought. The only thing better in this scene would be having my mother by their side. But I know she’s here with us today.
I know she sent Nikki back to me.
Nikki steps aside to give the other partygoers access to the bride-to-be and decides to start making the rounds, offering to top everyone’s glass of champagne.
I watch as she moves around my family’s home with ease. My hands twitches to touch her and pull her to me. And I can’t wait for the engagement excitement to die down in the coming days so we can tell Amelia about us and finally be out in the open with my family.
The only cloud overshadowing the joyous occasion is the fact that tomorrow, Nikki is having that dinner with her ex and his parents.
This is the only time I wish that Nikki didn’t have such a pure heart, because the thought of her anywhere near a man who has touched her, made love to her, sends me into a goddamn tailspin.
Even though I trust Nikki to my core, I don’t trust her ex. And I can’t just stay home and watch the seconds tick by.
