“While I was fantasizing about a life in New York with her, she dreamed about a life in the Dominican Republic. She had her friends and family here, along with a clear career path. She never had dreams of immigrating. She loved this country deeply and never felt the urge to leave. And you know what? Not seeing that sooner? That’s on me. Because I grew up hearing how fortunate I was to have parents that immigrated to the states and believed that I was one of the lucky ones. It never occurred to me that anyone would purposely stay back, that they would be happier here.”
I put my hand over the one he has on my thigh and give it a little squeeze. He finally lifts his eyes to mine, and I still when I see that they’re on the verge of tears.
“She told me she couldn’t live her life waiting for our summers. Like her life was supposed to stay on hold until I made my yearly return.” He nods repeatedly. “And I get it. We were young, barely twenty, managing a long-distance relationship before video chatting was even a thing. I can look back and understand how hard that must have been on her. But it doesn’t take away the sting that none of that mattered to me. I would have continued in that relationship for as long as I could, even if summers were all I could have of her.”
I see a tear slide down his cheek, and I’m in motion before he has a chance to wipe it away.
I settle into his lap sideways, just like on the boat, and pull his head into the crook of my neck. He settles there willingly, wrapping his arms around me. My hands go up to the back of his head, and I slowly start scratching the base of his neck. “I’m so sorry, Tony. I’m so, so sorry.”
“That wasn’t the worst part. Not even close. Once our talk was over, the one where she made it clear that we were broken up, I begged my parents to book me a flight home. But… we didn’t have a lot of money. Just a flight here and back was a stretch for my parents’ budget. So I had to spend the entire summer at my grandma’s. Watching the woman I thought I would marry go on with her life and be happy with another man by her side. I saw her leave her house withhimin dresses she used to wear for me. I saw him hand deliver roses to her front door when I knew she preferred lilies. I even had the unfortunate luck of running into them just about every time I left my grandmother’s home. It was so bad that during my last month there, I hardly left the property.” He squeezed me tighter. “All in all, I was a wreck. And by the time I finally got on my flight back to New York, I vowed I would never allow myself to hurt like that again.”
I think I’ve been holding my breath the entire time he has been recalling his heartbreak. All this time, I had Tony pegged as someone with a hard exterior, denying access to anyone who dared approach. Never could I have imagined that someone made him feel like he had to be that way in order to protect his heart.
I feel my own eyes start to well, imagining a young and heartbroken Tony. My own guilt gnaws at me. I’ve also caused him pain and have yet to cop up to it. He notices my tears and closes his eyes. “Please, don’t.”
Since I’m in his arms, I can feel his rapid heartbeat against my chest. I concentrate on matching my breaths with his until our chests fall into a synchronized motion.
I feel him take a final deep breath, followed by the faintest of kisses on my neck. I have no time to react, because when he lifts his head, his eyes are filled with newfound determination. “She’s the reason I haven’t been back here since that summer, and why I closed myself off to relationships in the past. If I couldn’t trust someone I had known and loved since I was a kid, how could I trust a stranger?” He scrapes his lips with his teeth and shakes his head. “But that’s in the past. I’m finally ready to move forward.” His arms squeeze around me.
“W-what does that mean?” I croak.
“I’m ready for more, Nikki.” He leans closer as I hold my breath. My eyes fall closed. I only open them when I realize that Tony has placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.
“More?” I ask breathlessly as his eyes lock on my lips.
“¡Señoras y señores, el catamaran esta listo para irse a su próximo destino!” Maria yells at us, the only two people left to board the catamaran.
Tony holds his hands out to help me stand. Once we’ve both straightened, he leans into my ear and whispers, “More.”
As if he knows I don’t have the capacity to respond, he steers us toward the awaiting crowd so we can join the rest of the tour crew, bypassing the captain as he helps me onto the boat himself.
20
Antonio
She’s quiet.
Too quiet.
I laid it on thick back at the sandbar, and since I have no intention of going backward, I’m fine with giving her all the time she needs to catch up to what’s happening between us.
Because somethingwillhappen. That I am sure of.
I see the way Nikki looks at me, and how her body responds to my touch. I also feel how she cares about me and didn’t hesitate to jump into my arms twice today.
And we’re just getting started.
The cave diving area was too crowded with tourists, so Nikki and I agreed to skip that part and enter the restaurant portion of the cave right away. As Nikki mentioned earlier, it’s a pretty casual spot. Plenty of cheap mismatched tables and chairs gathered in front of a small stage and DJ area. The ceilings are higher than I expected, with low budget strobe lights flickering along with the daytime club music.
I’ve barely digested Maria’s delicious food, but hell will freeze over before I pass up the opportunity for more Dominican food. So we pull up to a table and order a couple of appetizers.
Nikki has forgone the dress she had on earlier, instead adding the world’s tiniest cut off jean shorts to her outfit. I swear she planned her outfits for the day with mental warfare in mind, because being this close to her while keeping my hands to myself is pure torture.
She interrupts my thoughts by tapping my forehead. “Oh, look, it’s back.”
“What’s back?”
“Your scowl. I knew it was only a matter of time.” She tries to hide her smile behind her water bottle.
