I decide to break the tension by playing nice. “That’s a pretty dress.”
She ignores me and stares at her nail beds, as if they’re the most fascinating things she’s ever seen.
I run a hand over my face. “Is this how we’re gonna play it, then?”
She lays her arms on the table and leans forward, her eyes laser focused on me. “And this is why we can’t have nice things,Antonio. I am not playing a game here. I thought we were genuinely having a good time being friendly to one another earlier. But clearly, I was unaware that your niceties ran on a timer. So I’m going to go ahead and bow out of whatever fake truce you had planned. I’d much rather go about ignoring each other than play into this weird Jekyll and Hyde act you got going on,” she finishes with a fake smile.
Before I can respond, I see it. A flash of hurt in her eyes. A quickblink and you miss ittype of moment. But I never miss anything when it comes to Nikki.
Fuck.
It was so much easier when I could avoid her or brush her off when I saw her in the city. But sitting across from her and seeing how my actions hurt her kills me.
So I decide to take the hurt away. It’s not like I haven’t carried it for the both of us these last seven years.
“Look, I’m sorry if I was a little… brash earlier. I’m still getting used to this.” I point between us.
Her face remains impassive. I’m desperate here, and the thought of not being able to reach Nikki is enough to push my ego aside. So I lead with the truth.
“I was triggered by something you said.”
Concern immediately takes over her features, and she straightens in her seat. I inwardly curse myself for using that word with a therapist, but there’s no turning back now.
“What did I say?” Her eyes bounce back and forth between my own.
“Something about me being mad at the world. For the record, I think I am.”
She deflates at my confession and reaches over to touch the hand I have wrapped around my empty beer glass. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel exposed. We were just getting along so well, and then I was blabbing and I just—”
“It’s fine.” I cut her off. “I asked for a truce, then ran away at the first sign of you getting too close to the real me.” I risk it and release my glass to hold her hand. She takes a quick intake of breath while looking at our joined hands. Then looks back at me with a million questions swirling in her eyes. “I want us to get along, so I’m going to try harder. I still might be an asshole, but at least I’ll be an asshole who’s trying.”
She chuckles and squeezes my hand before pulling hers away. I have to stop myself before I accidentally reach for it back.
“Well, as long as you’re able to recognize your asshole tendencies, then I think we can give it another go.” She winks, and it hits me straight in my chest… and maybe also my penis. I can only focus on controlling one thing at a time when it comes to her, apparently.
And just like that, I’m in her good graces again. No grudges, no drawn-out fight. Just simple communication and a mutual goal of keeping the peace. I don’t know how she does it.
I was so ready to keep her at arm’s length in one moment, then find myself struggling to control my desire to pull her onto my lap in the next. It’s maddening.
Our waiter comes back with our drinks.
“A toast.” She tilts her drink toward me as I lift mine.
“To?”
“To you being an ass—”
“Really, Nikki?”
“I’m just kidding!” she teases. “To a fresh start. Right here, right now. A clean slate that will not be just a temporary truce, but the beginning of… dare I say friendship?” she asks shyly.
I smirk and clink her glass. “Baby steps, Nikki. Don’t run off getting best friends tattoos just yet. We know how that ended for you last time,” I joke.
She throws her head back and laughs without abandon, and it’s the most precious sound in the world.
It’s enough to shake me to my core and remind me of why I fell so hard for her in the first place. Powerful enough to pull me out of this vicious cycle I’ve kept us in.
Seven years.
