"This is the next best thing. And who knows? Maybe you'll have another child one day and be there for every milestone."
The thought made my heart contract. Would Saylor want to have kids with me?
Elena sat on the chair adjacent to mine, facing me. "Saylor left today."
I nodded, my throat tight. "She did."
Elena exchanged a look with Hudson.
Hudson cleared his throat. "I know you didn't want to reveal your feelings for her, but how is that sitting now?"
I threw my hands up in the air. "Like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I hated letting her go. But what choice did I have?"
Hudson shook his head. "You had a lot of choices. You could have asked her to stay. You could have chased after her."
My jaw tightened. "I thought about that. It was difficult not to."
Hudson put the pool net away and sat next to Elena. "So your plan is to hope that she changes her mind and moves back to Sanibel without knowing how you feel about her?"
"I didn't want to influence her decision."
Hudson sighed heavily. "I understand your concern, but how can she make a decision if she doesn't know how you feel? What if she thinks you don't love her? That this was just a fling and nothing more."
That hurt because it was so much more than a fling. I couldn't help but replay this morning in the shower and last night in my bed. "She couldn't possibly think that."
Hudson gave me an exasperated look. "What sign have you given her that you want something more?"
"You let her go," Elena said simply.
I looked from Elena to Hudson, cataloguing the frustration on their faces. I might have messed up. "I thought I was doing the right thing."
"I know you did," Elena said gently. "But you didn't do anything to tell her you wanted her."
"I showed her how I felt. But not with words."
Elena groaned.
Hudson leveled me with a look. "Women need the words."
Now it was my turn to sigh. "Why didn't you tell me this?"
He shook his head. "I tried to. Many times. I told you you'd regret not telling her how you felt. I made the same mistake."
"What do I do now?"
"You can go after her and tell her how you feel. You don't have to make any demands because you could conceivably do this relationship long distance."
"I don't want to?—"
Hudson held up his hand to stop me. "I know you don't. But isn't something better than nothing?"
I couldn't imagine not having Saylor in my life. But I wanted her in Sanibel with me. "I guess." Now that I'd made a decision, I wanted to act on it. Should I go today?"
"She has work tomorrow. Maybe you should give her a day or two to get settled in," Elena said.
Hudson nodded. "That will give her time to see what life will be like there. Maybe she won't like it."
"I talked to her about going out on her own, but she was scared. She wants the security of a job."
