I finished packing, grabbing the last of my toiletries and tucking them into my bag when Elena texted.
Elena: Are you still planning to leave today?
Saylor: Heading out in a few minutes.
Elena: You didn't tell Marshall how you felt?
Saylor: That doesn't seem fair. Not when I don't know where my life is headed at the moment.
My things were in storage, and my job expected me to be in my chair at the office tomorrow. People were depending on me.
Elena: I guess he didn't say how he felt either?
Saylor: It was a summer fling. It was amazing while it lasted.
My heart felt heavy as I shoved everything deeper into my bag so I could zip it.
Elena: But you're in love with him.
I felt defeated. This situation felt eerily similar to my relationship with Flynn. He didn't love me enough to be faithful.
Saylor: I can't make someone love me though.
Our lives were at a crossroads. We needed to figure out what we wanted before we had any hope of something more. Then there was the pesky issue of his feelings for me. We'd had a fling, and calling it something else would be going against the rules of our relationship. It wouldn't be fair.
Elena: I saw how he looks at you.
Saylor: This is the way it has to be.
Elena: But does it?
Elena's words stuck with me as I finished packing my bags and stuffed them into the trunk of my car. When I went to put the address into my GPS, I realized I didn't have one. I'd need to find a hotel for the night, then figure out if I should rent an apartment.
That was a detail I could and should have handled from Sanibel, but I kept putting it off.
I needed to focus on the drive and not think too hard about what I was leaving behind: the lovely beach cottage where I'd spent my summer in the arms of a man who felt like he could love me back. It hurt that it didn't seem to be the case.
I'd fallen for him, and he'd seen me as a nice distraction. I was leaving his life as quickly as I'd entered it. It hurt that I hadn't meant more to him than a summer escape from his life.
But then again, it had happened before. We flitted in and out of each other's lives, never sticking. We weren't the forever kind of relationship. We were temporary.
Then why did it hurt so much?
I reminded myself of all the practical reasons why I had to go home to Jacksonville. My life was there. My job was expecting me.
But the more miles I traveled, the harsher my reality appeared. My ex was in Jacksonville, living his new life with the woman he cheated on me with. He'd led a double life, and now his new girlfriend was living the life I had.
That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, it barely registered on the feelings scale. There was no sharp pang of pain or shame at what he'd done. There was nothing.
Huh. That was interesting. I'd expected to be more upset or at least worried I'd run into him, but instead I felt nothing.
Maybe the relationship with Marshall helped me get over Flynn, and that was a good thing. I could move on from that relationship.
Except I wasn't happy. I was sad about leaving Sanibel, and it wasn't just that I was leaving my grandmother or Hayden. I was leaving Marshall, the only man I'd ever loved.
By the time I arrived in Jacksonville, late at night, my head ached. I found a hotel and carried my things inside. This would be my home for the foreseeable future.
I snapped a pic of my room and sent it to Marshall with the caption, Home Sweet Home.
