“My opinion? I?—”
“Am I a good person and you’re a bad person? Because I was raised up like a working dog and you were just given a gun?”
Declan interrupts quietly, “The first time I killed someone, I thought about killing myself afterward. All night long, I thought about it. I came home and ate dinner and watched TV thinking about it. Went to bed thinking about it. The next morning, the thought wasn’t so loud, so I didn’t.”
I look at him. Really look. I didn’t expect that. Everything about him exudes the attitude of a man who enjoys what he does. He blinks at me slowly. His jaw is set hard, his eyes blank and darkened. Then he adds, “I was ten. Da asked me to kill our mom. She was sick and wasn’t getting better. He couldn’t bear to look at her. Even then, he saw something in me. He knew I wasn’t like everyone else. So, he asked me, and I did.”
He doesn’t have tears when he tells me. A chill zips through me, and Rian’s hand splays out against my waist, steadying me against his shudder. Declan notices, and his hand reaches out for me. He tucks my hair back behind my ear and stares off into the distance, like he’s reciting the memory from a trance.
I rasp, “I’m sorry.”
He continues, “Ourathairwas right about me, though.” He looks into my eyes. They’re so empty, gazing deep into mine, like he wants to have me with just a look. “Because the second time I killed someone, I liked it.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because—”
Kellan finishes for him, “Because if you hadn’t gone along with it, your kids would be left with us and with him. You did the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.”
Rian turns my face toward him and adds, “And you didn’t break like he thought you would.”
“Maybe I did.”
“No,” Declan interrupts, his hand on my chin, turning me toward him. “You’re coming out of this someone newer and stronger, you’ll see.” His finger drags along my jaw, and my breath stills in my chest. I’m still in Rian’s lap, and I feel the tension in his body as Declan touches me. It’s subtle, just his fingertips squeezing me, but it’s there.
Declan leans forward to kiss me, and my heart stutters. My brain goes completely blank, but my body knows what to do. I lean toward him too, even as Rian’s hand slides down my back, hesitating, unsure if he wants to let go of me or hold on even tighter.
He chooses to hold on tighter, and his fingers dig into my lower back as Declan cups my face with his hands, his rough hands with long fingers and bitten nails. His kiss is needy and deep, and heat builds between my thighs as I give in, leaning so far forward that Rian holds me around my middle to keep me from falling into Declan.
It’s a kiss as passionate as the first kiss we shared. It’s like his lips hold the key to mine. My hands find his hair instinctually and wrap around his curls, my face at home in his palms. I find belonging there.
Rian inches my shirt up around my waist, and I raise my arms to let him pull my shirt up over my head. Declan and I break the kiss for a moment while he slips my shirt off.
My heart is pounding wildly in my chest, so hard I can feel the blood rushing in my ears.Am I really going to do this again?I can’t catch my breath from the thudding in my sternum, and Rian kisses me, really kisses me, before I can think any harder about it.
While Rian connects with my mouth and our moans intermingle, he lowers me down to the bed gently, his hand spread across my lower back. I smooth back his auburn hair, and I’m looking at those green freckles in his eyes and thinking about the fear they filled me with not so long ago. When I thought he was Paul.
Rian’s elbows are on the bed on either side of my face, and he looks me square in my eyes and whispers, his voice silky with tension, “We’ll protect you. No matter what happens, from here on out, we’re together in this.”
He disappears down my body, his hands sliding down my stomach as he finds the waistband of my pajama bottoms. I feel a small shiver of embarrassment that I’m still wearing them, but I know they don’t care. They saw me in the depths of despair, and they pulled me out. They aren’t judging me.
He slides my legs out of my pants as Declan unbuckles my bra and delicately removes it. He tosses it aside and murmurs with a hard expression on his face, “You won’t need protection, Caroline. You’ll be strong enough on your own.” And he leans over to kiss my neck.
I’m nude under their watchful eyes. They undress me together, like I’m something fragile, even though they’ve all had me before. But this is different. This is surrender without choosing. This iseverything at once.
Kellan sits back, watching from the foot of the bed, eyes dark and full of intent. He doesn’t touch me yet, and that restraint does more to my heartbeat than anything else.
I lock eyes with Kellan as his Rian pulls my underwear to the side and parts my thighs, his mouth hot and wet where I’m already soaked. His tongue enters my wanting, wet hole. My eyes close for just a second, and my mouth falls open as a moan tumbles out of me.
My hands move down to the back of Rian’s head, holding him against me while his tongue works like he knows my body better than I do. I arch, moan, and Declan reaches for my hardening nipples.
Kellan’s full, peach lips part just a fraction, and I see him swallow hard, but his blue eyes stayed trained on mine. I want him to join, to touch me, but he stays just out of my grasp. When I look down, I see that his hand is wrapped around his cock, slowly running the length of it. It’s shining with pre cum dripping down the shaft.
Rian’s tongue reaches deeper inside me, and with a hoarse voice, I half moan, half say to Kellan, “Please. Come kiss me.”
A smile stretches across his face. “Good girl, asking for what you want,” he says with a wink, and he slides across the bed to me. Something flickers across Declan’s face, something close to jealousy, but his fingers keep working at my nipples. I reward him by reaching for the button on his pants.
Declan’s already-sharp face sharpens, his eyes darkening, and he licks his lips like a predator preparing. I see hesitation written on his face, but he still pushes my hand away and unbuttons his pants himself, his long fingers moving deftly.
