Silent acquiescence.
She leaped into it like a horse over a rock wall, not knowing where she’d land but bold enough to hazard the flight, the blind landing. “I have been scared. So very, terribly afraid. And I don’t know if my fear will ever leave me, but I am willing to take the risk. With you. Because … I love you. And walking away from you will be a … a worse kind of pain, I think. A worse kind of loss than … than …” She shivered.
His hand smoothed up and down her neck, soothing her, giving her the ability to continue.
“I think I can do this. With you. I think the girls can do this. Having you in our lives is worth the danger. And I’m willing to take that risk. If you still want me. Us.”
The slight touch of fingertip against her jaw transformed as his hand cupped her face, a warm shield against pain. She hoped.
“Would you take me, Freddy, if there were less risk attached to me?”
She lowered her gaze and pulled out of his embrace. With a controlled movement, she set the knife, now done with its work, on the settee, and wrapped gentle fingers around the top of the boot, began rolling the supple leather down.
“I love you, Mr. Grant Webster, because of your kindness, your ability to see what others need, and your willingness to give it to them. That’s what makes you an excellent teacher, you know. And your passion. You love what you do. That is one of the reasons they come to see you.” She tossed her head toward the amphitheatre, toward the audience, toward all of London. “They love your passion. And I love you because you make me smile, and I have not often done so in many years. You make me feel attractive and wanted. You are good to the girls, and you listen to me.”
“I’d be a fool not to, Freddy.”
“See. That right there. That’s why I want to marry you. I want that all to myself. Even if you might leave me a widow twice over.”
“I’ll try my best not to. Already started.”
She let the words ring in her ears as she pushed the leather beyond the sole of the boot. “Can you lift your foot out? What do you mean you’ve already started?”
He lifted and hissed but freed his foot. “Damn me, but that’s swollen to the size of Izzy’s head.”
She laughed. And she cried. And she laid her head in Grant’s lap and told herself she belonged there.
“I mean, darling Freddy, that I made a decision today.” His fingers stroked through her hair. “I would not have performed twice this evening if William had been whole and hardy.”
She wrapped her arms around his taut waist. “Why not? What decision?”
“Some weeks ago, Garrison asked me to be his business partner. I told him no. Several times. But today I told him yes, so I could give the woman I love the security she desires. And deserves. I’ll be appearing less in the ring, but I’ll have more say in the running of the place. Less glitter in such a role, but recently I find glitter blinding.”
She spoke into his taut abdomen. “You’d do this?”
“Because I love you.” His hand settled on her head, anchoring her to where she most wanted to belong as he swung his legs sideways and popped them up on the end of the settee. He stroked her hair as the circus rumbled outside—shouts and teases, arguments and whispers. A family like she’d never had before.
She turned her face into his chest and spoke a fear that had whispered in her ear. “Will you make yourself miserable, then, for me? Giving up everything you love?”
“Shh. No truth there. I signed the papers with you in mind. But I gave them to Garrison because … because … damn me, Freddy, I want to live.”
She hugged him, tight, tears wetting the linen of his shirt, the silk of his waistcoat. “I want you to live. But no matter what, I want to live with you.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Having someone I want to live for makes dying much less appealing.”
She inhaled, and the breath racked her body, loosening muscles she’d not known she was clenching tight. “I was so scared when you fell. You were so still on the ground.”
“I should not have gone on. Should have cancelled the act altogether. But all is well. I’m trained to fall, Freddy darling. I’m fine.”
“Can I watch you? Train to fall? So I know.”
“Yes. Can I watch you?”
She tilted her head. “Watch me …?”
“Oh, everything. Dress, undress, eat, drink, mother, talk—”
She kissed him.
