Page 98 of A Dare too Far


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“Indeed.”

“You do not have to speak of it if you do not wish. But if you do wish, I would love to listen.” George had often simply sat and listened quietly to her. Having someone listen to you without judgement was powerful indeed.

Lillian perched on the couch on the other side of Lady Stubbins. “And I as well, my lady. We… we were about to take a rejuvenating walk through the park. Would you like to attend us?”

Lady Stubbins jerked a flustered gaze from Jane to Lillian then back again several times. “I… yes. I do think some fresh air might do me good. And a chat.”

Jane helped the older woman to her feet. “And a chat. If you wish.” She escorted Lady Stubbins toward the doctor. “It appears the lady has injured her hand. Can you mend it before we leave?”

The doctor stared at Jane with disbelieving eyes. “Of course. I’ll have my housekeeper fetch supplies.”

The room echoed with silence while the doctor attended to the viscountess’s hand, and few words were spoken between the ladies as they walked to a gated square nearby, Lillian’s maid galloping down the road to catch up with them.

When the shadows of tree limbs dappled their faces, Lady Stubbins spoke. “I do apologize for my outburst. I am even now shaking.” She spoke the truth. Her body seemed on the verge of collapse. “I owe you an explanation, I believe.”

“Not if you do not wish it,” Lillian said.

Lady Stubbins looked up at the cold white sky. “I used to think all one needed to live was oxygen. Food. Luxuries like a big house and servants are nice, of course, but I have always teased that I could exist on the essentials alone if necessary. My dear Bernard laughed every time I said it.” Her face blanked. “But now I know the single most important necessity for life is laudanum.”

“Is there anything we can do for you, my lady?” Jane could not keep her question from sounding like the plea it was.

Lady Stubbins patted Jane’s hand. “No. I’m afraid not. You have been quite useful today. I’ve been… terribly irritated at the drug’s desertion of me. But it’s no reason to terrify others. Funny. When I’m in its grip, I’m calm. Nothing can bother me. But when it leaves me. Life feels like sandpaper rubbing against the skin.”

They strolled in silence. The park was small, and they soon came back to the gate through which they’d entered.

“I will return home now,” Lady Stubbins said. “Thank you for your understanding today. I have not been myself. You will not… you will not speak of this, will you?”

Jane and Lillian shook their heads.

Lady Stubbins took one of their hands in each of hers. “Thank you again.”

Jane held on tight. “If you ever need a friend, please do remember me.” She hoped what she left unsaid could be divined. Do not turn to the drug, is what she’d really meant. Turn to me, instead.

Lady Stubbins retraced her steps to the doctor’s residence.

“She’s going back.” Lillian’s eyes filled with tears.

“It seems so.” Disappointment rose into Jane’s throat, choking her. She closed her eyes against her tears. “What are we to do?”

“Nothing.”

Jane pressed her fingers into her eyes, shaking her head. “I don’t like this. Not one bit.”

“Which part?”

“All of it! I want Lady Stubbins to care. I want George’s uncle to heal. I want them to both stop giving away control of their lives to that drug. And I want George to take what he wants, no matter the risks. I want…I want George.” End of sentence. Simple as that.

Jane turned and strode down the street. “I’m not going back to Whitwood.”

Lillian trotted to catch up. “No? Where are you going, then?”

“To speak with George.”

She’d sent the letter to him as a goodbye, but she was tired of being scared, of cowering because of the small chance her soul might ache one day. It was an eventuality, no doubt. No person lived without a little soul ache. But before the ache would come pure pleasure and the deepest love, and they would be worth the pain. Now she must find a way to convince George to take what he wanted, despite the dangers.

Because she wanted him, and she would not run away. Not tomorrow to Whitwood, not ever.

Chapter 26