‘You’ve been so focused on blaming yourself, that’s why.’
‘Huh.’
‘They weren’t young men when they died. They lived rich and full and happy lives.’
‘But what if it happens again?’
‘What if it doesn’t?’
She exhales a long breath, as if she’s still not quite convinced.
‘Princess, you can deny yourself love for the rest of your life, but then you’ll have missed out in what are essentially the best years of your life now that you’re retired. The Princess I’ve come to know and adore has a lot of love to give and it would be a crying shame not to share that.’
‘I hate it when you make sense, Aubrey.’
25
23 DECEMBER, STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN
I leave Princess with the albularyo’s phone number and hope she gets in touch. I find the group, who are sitting in the lounge carriage waiting to depart the train for a day in Stockholm. ‘Is she OK?’ Barry asks, concern marring his brow.
I smile. ‘Yes, she’s going to have a lie in and meet up with us later.’
‘It’ll feel weird going out and about without her, won’t it?’ Karen says, swiping on her signature scarlet lipstick.
‘Maybe I should stick around?’ Barry asks, running a hand through his thinning hair. ‘Keep an eye on her, without intruding too often. Karen’s read me the riot act about all that stuff.’
Karen shrugs. ‘What would I know? Princess seems to like the attention, so don’t listen to me.’
He’s waiting for permission from us, which I find inordinately sweet. Princess really didn’t give much of an indication what her plans were, but I have a feeling that she’s hoping Barry will visit her cabin for a chat. ‘That’s a nice idea, Barry. Why don’t you send her a text and tell her you’re staying on board for a bit?’
‘Good idea, love. Then she can call me as needed, if needed. Although she hasn’t had breakfast, so perhaps I could take her a tray… or I could wait and we could share lunch. Or afternoon tea? I don’t want to be overbearing.’
‘Send the text, Barry.’
He trundles off in the direction of his cabin, like a man on a mission. It’s sweet seeing love bloom between two people who have stumbled in the past.
‘Against my better judgement, CJ’s roped me into going to the ice rink on kungsträdgården. Did you and Jasper want to come with us? I might need his muscles if I take a tumble…’ Karen says with a smile. ‘Although CJ is pretty strong from all that hiking, so maybe she could heft my weight if needed.’
CJ bumps her with a hip. ‘I’m quite capable of performing first aid when required. Don’t forget, I’ve got teen boys; there have been an alarming amount of breakages. But I don’t plan on playing nurse today, because you’re going to remain upright, even if I have to hold you upright.’ It’s sweet to see these two have formed a strong friendship, teasing each other in a sisterly way – well, not how my sister does, but regular sisters.
‘Oh thanks for the invite,’ I say. ‘But there’s absolutely no way I’m going to go ice skating. I struggle walking on solid ground as it is. And seriously, I do not need any more videos of me circulating. According to Sabrina, the Winter Wonderland Express is trending on Insta after someone uploaded a video of the dance battle. No doubt it’s because of Jasper’s erotic dancing, but surely my robot moves are second to that. Told you that style never goes out of fashion.’
‘Ah, yeah, I’m sure you’re second in views because of your robot talent and for no other reason,’ Karen says and does some rather sketchy side eye in CJ’s direction. Is she being sarcastic? Hard to tell.
‘Jasper might be keen on the idea?’ I say.
‘No, I’ll stick with you, Aubrey. Apart from anything, we’ve got to find you another ugly Christmas mug, eh?’
I laugh. ‘Sure. Princess offered the use of her private car, so why don’t you girls take it?’
‘Fab. Text us if you want to meet up later and maybe Princess and Barry will be around then too?’
‘Sure.’
Jasper and I head out into the snowy day and catch a ride share to ArkDes museum to visit the gingerbread house exhibition. When we arrive, we’re assailed with the heavenly scent of gingerbread. It conjures Christmas for me and always makes me smile. As soon as December first hits each year, Mum would have mixing bowls out and we’d help make gingerbread man biscuits, and the countdown for Christmas started that very day. Rox would decapitate her men – the writing has always been on the wall with her – and Mum would try not to scold her and ruin the mood. In the end she just let her dismember them however she wanted. You can tell a lot about a person by how they bake.
Of course, our cooking attempts with Mum at the helm were always a disaster, but it wasn’t about that; it was about enjoying the ceremony of it together. The spicy ginger scent brings to the fore all those shared moments in Mum’s cosy kitchen and makes me homesick for my family. Right now, Mum will be preparing for the big feast to come, making as much ahead of time as she can and dashing to the shops to buy more Christmas festive cushions, because you can never have enough, and Dad will be up on the roof fixing Christmas lights and musing that his inflatable Santa is missing his Mrs Clause, and Mum will be outlawing any more money spent on decorations, and then they’ll get into it over the new cushions before drinking eggnog made with too much brandy and will both fall asleep holding hands together in front of the fire. Good times.
