21 DECEMBER, HAMBURG, GERMANY
After a quick wardrobe change, I head back to meet the group, feeling all sorts of stupid wearing my Jingle Ladies t-shirt with wildly inappropriate tassels over the nip area which jiggle and jangle as I walk, drawing the eye of everyone I pass.
I bet a man designed this.
I find my friends in the lounge carriage. An area has been cordoned off for the ‘stage’.
Princess is like a child on Christmas morning, jumping up and down. ‘Look at the dance battle arena! Isn’t it spectacular?’
‘As much as a patch of train carriage carpet can be, yes.’
She groans. ‘Ooh, don’t be such a stick in the mud, Aubrey! Your tassels really are in a tangle.’
I bite down on a laugh. Her enthusiasm is a little cute. I’m not sure I really want to be front and centre, and no doubt every man and their dog will be recording the performances for posterity, so there’s also that to worry about. Not to mention the rather sexy moves Princess insists we do. Twerking? Kill me.
Jasper makes his way down the carriage towards us. With his tassels swishing about, somehow he makes the godawful t-shirt look good. Probably the way his muscles fill out the thin fabric; in fact, said muscles are bulging out all over the place, capturing the attention of many of the so-called loved-up passengers. Should they be overtly staring at him with such hunger, like he’s a tasty morsel? I would say not. Cravat man gives his wife a sullen glare and she promptly turns her gaze away from Jasper. Good, she’s already spoken for and Jasper is off limits. Well, I mean, he’s a free man, with free will and with no ties, but they’re meant to be in committed relationships and thus their eyeballs should be firmly directed at their significant others.
‘Who are you talking to?’ CJ frowns.
Dammit, that weird under-my-breath life commentary I do strikes again. Makes me look crazed. ‘Just giving myself a pep talk. I’m not one for the limelight.’ Bullet successfully dodged.
‘But you said Jasper was off limits. Were you insinuating that I had my eye on Jasper? Because I want to assure you I do not. He hasn’t even listened to any K-Pop, like, ever.’ CJ wrinkles her nose as if Jasper has really let her down.
‘Why is Jasper off limits?’ Karen pipes up. ‘Ooh… are you two a thing?’
‘What’s going on?’ Princess pushes in between us. Jasper is two steps away from hearing this whole disaster of a chat.
‘Nothing! Nothing is going on!’
‘But you said?—’
‘I was talking to my dead husband, Miles. Even though he’s gone to the great Ctrl + Alt + Delete in the sky, I still talk to him.’ I want to slap my own head, but it does the trick and their suspicious expressions turn soft. I shouldn’t use the (faux) grieving widow guilt trip but here we are.
Desperate times call for dead husbands.
Princess rubs my arm. ‘Miles will help us win this thing. With him up in heaven and God on our side, anything is possible!’
I can only commit to a tight smile.
‘What’s up?’ Jasper says, dropping his eyes to my… ahem… tassels.
‘My eyes are up here, Jasper.’ I make finger forks and point. He goes from romantic to ogling my chest, just like that?!
His eyes crinkle at the corners.
‘Well?’ I demand, expecting a full apology.
‘It’s just that your tassels have tangled. And I was about to point that out when you accused me of… sneaking a peek.’
‘What?’ I drop my gaze to the t-shirt. Sure enough, somehow the stupid things have tangled together. ‘Oh.’
Princess raises her eyebrows. ‘I did tell you that not a moment ago! And besides, Jasper would never objectify women. I’m sure he’s a feminist, aren’t you, Jasper?’
Here we go. Princess is firmly on the Jasper bandwagon again.
‘Are you?’ I ask, crossing my arms over my wardrobe malfunction.
He gives a loose shrug. ‘All decent men are feminists, aren’t they? So yes, I’d consider myself a feminist and believe in equal rights.’ Damn it, he appears genuine.
