Before I form a response, Princess is gone and we’ve walked straight into another set-up of hers…
* * *
After a sit-down dinner back on the train that evening, I return to my cabin, face sore from laughing. Princess is a hoot, even if she’s quite the stirrer of the pot. And Jasper is gorgeous and also open and sweet in that way that people who travel a lot often are. We fell down the rabbit hole discussing our favourite books and the evening just vanished. It’s been fun to have new friends on board, even if Princess is hijacking things in her efforts to push us together. She means well, and they’ve both stopped me from succumbing to the doldrums about Miles and his lack of contact.
I shower and get into PJs and find my phone to check out the photos from the day in Bruges. Now I understand better why it’s known as the chocolate-box city, not only for its colourful architecture but also because of the many chocolatiers who make high-quality Belgian chocolates.
I go to text my family some Bruges photos when my phone rings. It’s Freya. ‘Hello! Any baby news?’
She groans. ‘No, not yet. The doctor says he’s a very happy little elf indeed and not in any rush. The little fella might make it until the due date this time, unlike his siblings.’
I smile, remembering their births. I’d been living in Thailand when her daughter Maisie was born ahead of her due date and flew home as soon as I heard. A couple of years after that her son Freddy arrived, almost a month early. I’d been on a retreat in India at the time, which I promptly pulled the pin on, and dashed home to snuggle with the baby while Freya caught up on sleep.
Which country will I be in when this little boy appears earthside?
‘Ooh, he just wants a little more time in the oven.’
‘Yeah, if only I wasn’t swollen up like a Michelin man. You should see my ankles now, they’re officially cankles. The joys of motherhood, eh. Enough about me, how are you?’
‘Good, good.’
‘OK, and now the truth?’
I laugh. ‘Well, it’s hard to explain. It’s a bit like I’m on pause from my real life. I’ve managed to push down all the hurt and confusion into a lock box and I’m pretending that everything is fine. The Winter Wonderland Express is truly enchanting, and Bruges today was so much fun. I’ve made a few friends on board.’
‘Nice! You always make friends wherever you go so I wasn’t concerned about that, more concerned about the state of your heart. What about Miles? Have you heard from him?’
‘No. Have you?’ There’s no point hiding the hurt, it’s evident in my voice.
‘No.’ An awkward silence hangs for a moment before Freya says, ‘Gosh. I’m sorry, Aubrey. I’m really surprised by that. It’s not like him, is it?’ Freya’s been friends with Miles since high school. She married one of his good friends, James, so they’ve been in each other’s lives for ages. When Miles asked me on a date, she encouraged me. Told me he was the real deal and while he might act the lad at times, he really was a good guy. And I found that to be true, right up until the wedding day when he let me down.
‘No, it’s not. I’m not sure what to think. Whether to be mad at him, or… worried.’ Rox would berate me for allowing doubt to creep in like it has, but I can’t help it. It’s all so strange.
‘Yeah, it is a bit of a worry. I’ll go round and check on him, eh?’
‘No need. According to Leo, he’s gone AWOL. Needs some time apparently.’
‘Time? For what?’
‘Word is, he suffered a panic attack at the church.’
‘Oh.’
‘But I still don’t understand why he hasn’t been in contact.’
‘Yes, he’s obviously made a split-second decision with dire consequences.’
It’s hard to reconcile such a thing. I’m not sure where the line is between being forgivable or being a pushover?
‘I’m still hoping you and Miles can work this out. You know how much he loves you, right? Rox is ready to tear him limb from limb, but I just don’t think he’d do this maliciously. Do you?’
Freya’s heart’s in the right place but I sense she’s keen to have me home long term, for us both to have babies and book club and live the sort of life in close proximity that we dreamed about as teenagers. And for a minute there, with Miles, that very nearly happened. The settling. When I’m away from village life, like I am now, I understand on a deeper level that being of a fixed abode isn’t for me. Could I just be telling myself that to feel better about being unceremoniously dumped on my wedding day? It’s like I’m waiting for a fog to clear so I can see more plainly…
‘No,’ I finally admit. ‘I don’t think he’s done this maliciously, but he’s done it all the same. And by taking the coward’s way out and ignoring me, it makes it so much worse. It makes the love I did feel vanish…’ There, I said it. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s true.
Freya lets out a sad sigh. ‘Yeah. It’s all so out of character. Everyone presumes he got cold feet, but I think it’s more than that…’
13
