‘Why are they so overt? Like there’s a prize for most smooching? Is there a prize for that too?’ Princess trains her gaze on me. She’s barely taken a breath but her soliloquy seems to put everyone at ease. They’re smiling and relaxed now that Princess has broken the ice.
I laugh. ‘No prize that I’m aware of. But you’re right, they do seem rather fond of kissing like their life depends on it.’ I let out a little trill of a laugh to show that I am not jealous – no siree, I’m just observant. ‘I’m Aubrey by the way.’ I give everyone a little wave.
‘And as most of you know, I’m Princess. It’s not just a name, it’s a way of life.’
I grin at her customary introduction. She’s a social butterfly, and a very nosy one at that. I’m relieved to be with other lonely hearts but do feel a little sad at the thought we’re all effectively spending Christmas alone. Not a loved one in sight. Why are my fellow singles solitary at this time of year? Even if they’re not in relationships, usually the festive season would be spent with family. Or are they like me and thought this trip – despite the circumstances leading up to it – was too good to pass up?
Princess continues. ‘We’re footloose and fancy free! We’ve been thrown together amid those in love-bubble land, so let’s introduce ourselves and explain why we’re alone this Christmas. I’ll start. I’ve been cursed by a jealous rival, culminating in the loss of three husbands who left this mortal coil under suspicious circumstances. Even though they deemed those deaths “natural causes”, it makes not an iota of sense to me. Hence I have decided to close my heart to love so that no further men are carried off by the Grim Reaper. And you?’ Princess asks the woman seated beside her, who is about mid-fifties with fiery red hair and dark dramatic winged eyeliner and scarlet-red lipstick. Her eyes hold a certain sadness, as if she’s got a lot on her mind. Around the table are shellshocked faces, probably at hearing such a frank admission from Princess. There are lots of reasons people choose to remain single – being cursed by a jealous rival is rather unique, so it’s no wonder they’re all stunned silent.
The woman coughs, gathering herself. ‘I’m Karen, it’s nice to meet you all.’ Karen’s made one concession to the theme and wears a jumper that saysToo Intelligent to Wear Ugly Christmas Jumpers. ‘I’m alone for the holidays because I chose to be. After fifty first dates, where they all gave me the ick, there was no need for a second. I’ve concluded that I’m simply unlucky in love and it’s time to live my life sans man, and so here I am.’ I admire her directness and sense Karen is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of person. ‘I travel once a year, always during the festive season because it’s my favourite holiday and I enjoy experiencing different foodie traditions around the world.’ Karen gestures to a grey-haired man in his sixties wearing a uniquely Australian Christmas jumper featuring festive jars of Vegemite.
‘I’m Barry. Hail from Australia, as you can probably tell.’ He points to his green and gold jumper. ‘I’m alone for the holidays. Again. Can’t seem to make a relationship stick – and I’m not sure why. I send flowers, voice notes, texts, love letters, call every hour on hour and it’s still not enough.’
Yikes. Not enough, or far too much? Barry is dangerously close to stage four clinger territory. I debate whether to mention it but decide it’s far too early to gently probe if he’s aware that kind of behaviour might be seen as smothering. And really, what would I know? I’m not exactly an expert on relationships myself.
‘I’m open to love though.’ He lets out a booming laugh and stares hard at Princess, who reels back as if slapped. It’s the first time I’ve seen her lose her composure and I bite down on a smile. ‘A mate of mine suggested that I needed to broaden my horizons. I’m a late bloomer when it comes to travel.’ He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. ‘This is the first time I’ve ventured from Australia, to see a bit of the world. Who knows, love might find me that way. Any takers?’ He guffaws. Really, he’s quite sweet in that typical jokester Australian way where they don’t take life too seriously.
I jab Princess in the ribs and she gives me the stink eye. Sure, Barry doesn’t have her style or grace, but he seems like a man who’d make life fun and be up for anything just like she is. If anyone can handle a man who is a little overzealous, it’s Princess. So what if Princess has sworn off men? So have I for the minute and yet she’s still nudging Jasper towards me at every interval she can. Two can play at that game.
‘And what about you?’ Barry motions to a woman wearing a festive tracksuit adorned with candy canes. She sits to his left and smiles broadly when the attention is directed her way. She tucks a lock of mousy brown hair behind her ear.
‘I’m CJ from Canada. I’m a divorced single mother and likely to remain as such because the dating pool in my town is more of a pond. I don’t hold high hopes I’ll meet my Prince Charming there, where everyone knows everyone. I want a partner who enjoys outdoors pursuits, but he must also love K-Pop. Extra points if he adores K-Drama, or Korean zombie flicks. Unless he meets that criterion, I’m not interested.’
‘K-Pop, K-Drama, and Korean zombie movies? That’s very specific,’ Karen says, giving CJ an approving nod.
Karen’s not prepared to commit to a second date if they don’t pass muster and CJ’s not willing to compromise on sharing similar hobbies – it’s refreshing that these women are so aware of what they want in a partner.
‘Yeah, and frankly, I’m at the point of giving up finding such a unicorn.’ CJ laughs. ‘But I figure, life is too short to settle for second best.’
CJ’s sentiment hits home. ‘I hope you find your perfect match,’ I say, admiring her for sticking to a wish list. It makes me question my own standards for love. I’ve never really thought that deeply about it. I’ve been more caught up in the end of relationships, licking my wounds and piecing together what went wrong – should I be focusing instead on what attributes the perfect man needs to have?
‘Thank you,’ CJ says. ‘It’s my ex-husband’s turn with the teens this Christmas, so I splurged on this trip. I’m up for anything, if the rest of you are? I’m mostly looking forward to our igloo stays in Lapland.’
‘I am too,’ I say with a smile. At the end of the line, when the train stops in Rovaniemi, we’ll be driven deep into the snowy wilds of Lapland to finish out our trip in private igloos with domed glass ceilings, hoping to catch an unobstructed view of the Aurora Borealis if weather conditions are favourable. I sprang for an upgrade, an outdoor terrace with hot tub – which now seems like a huge waste of money. Hot tub for one? Damn you, Miles, for casting a pall over things. The Northern Lights have been on my bucket list for ages and to be able to experience them in the height of luxury must be magical.
‘The igloo stays are fantastic,’ Princess says. ‘It’s like being in a different universe under a galaxy of swirling green and pink sky. I’ve stayed there twice and am hoping to be lucky enough to catch the spectacle of colour for a third time.’
‘Oh nice,’ CJ says. ‘Yeah, it’s not so much about the Aurora Borealis as it is Lapland itself. I’m keen to try sauna bathing and Arctic-ice swimming! Going from the intense heat of the sauna to the extreme cold of the lake is great for your circulation. But I’m most excited about learning to command the husky sled.’
‘Don’t you just sit in the sled and enjoy being pulled along in the frozen forest?’ Princess asks.
CJ’s eyes sparkle with anticipation. ‘There is that option but I found a company that teaches you how to command the huskies and drive the sled yourself. Apparently it’s quite the skill learning how to navigate through such a dense forest of trees. The huskies can get up to speeds of twenty kilometres per hour. Then there’s snowshoeing! Oh, and I want to take a snowmobile out for a spin. What a rush!’
Ah, Canadian CJ is that rare breed of tourist, the thrill-seeker who enjoys high octane, adrenaline-fuelled pursuits. No doubt she’s the kind of holidaymaker who bungees off cliffs and leaps from perfectly safe planes. I wish I had a little more daredevil inside me, but I like being alive too much to risk it.
‘I’m stuck on the idea of ice swimming,’ Barry says, anxiety flicking across his features. ‘How on earth would you not freeze to death? Aren’t temperatures forecast to be around minus sixteen degrees Celsius or so?’ The big burly Australian shivers.
‘Yes, those temps sound about right.’ CJ grins. ‘It will be a little chilly but that’s exactly what the sauna is for, to warm the old bones up again afterwards.’ Her face is lit up as she talks about the activities she’s keen to partake in. ‘It must sound extreme to you, Barry, coming from a country with all that sunshine, but the benefits outweigh the discomfort. Ice swimming reduces blood pressure and boosts your immune system and cognitive abilities. I need of all that, especially after raising teenage boys who zap me of my strength by their sheer rambunctiousness.’
‘Aah,’ Karen says with an understanding nod. ‘Now it makes sense. This is your version of self-care – more extreme than, say, a spa day, but effective nonetheless.’
CJ gives her a knowing grin. ‘Exactly. Shocks me back to life. Replenishes me for motherhood duties. And what about you?’ CJ turns the conversation back my way.
Princess jumps in before I have a chance to respond. ‘Aubrey’s husband took his seat on the Afterlife Express. It’s very recent, so the less said the better, and please, she can’t stomach even the thought of mushrooms. It’s too soon.’
Karen frowns and mouths ‘mushrooms?’ to Barry. He gives her a blank look and a shrug. Oh God. Who started the bloody poisonous mushroom story anyway?
‘Oooh. You’re the… widow.’ CJ’s expression changes to one of sympathy. ‘I’m so sorry. To lose the love of your life in such a way. Sinkholes are my worst nightmare.’ She shudders. ‘They seem to be on the rise too, don’t they? Like, what is going on with that?’
