‘I am helping.’
‘Well that’s remains to be seen. Did you talk to …’
‘Mom, stop. This isn’t a cross-examination. I’m not going to do any of those things.’
‘You will too.’
‘I will not.’
‘Don’t make me come over there, young lady.’
I bite down on my lip to stop from laughing, until I realise she might very well follow through on that threat and then we’ll really be in trouble. Mom will arrive wearing one of those headlamps strapped to her head and have her magnifying glass at the ready as she searches for Gran’s secrets.
‘OK, OK. I’ll do my best to listen in a bit harder on any phone conversations and see if there’s anything lying around that points the way to whatever it is you’re trying to unearth,’ I lie.
‘Thank you, darling. I’m only doing this because I care.’
‘Sure, I get that. So how’re things in New York?’ I’m surprised to find I don’t miss the bustling city, the bright lights. Thespeedof American life.
Mom launches into a spiel about how Posy is being frightful now rehearsals have started for her latest Broadway show. I groan just thinking about it.
‘She puts the D into diva when the spotlight is on her,’ I say.
‘Between us, she’s not as confident as she appears. This is a coping mechanism. A way to take control when she feels out of control.’
I arch a brow. ‘You think Posy lacks confidence?’ I can’t keep the doubt from my voice. Posy is the most confident person I’ve ever met. She certainly never gets confused for a waitress and I’d hazard a guess that most of her fans believe she lights up a room with her high-wattage starry eyes.
‘Of course, darling! It’s scary, what she does. Going up in front of those big crowds and playing a part. Don’t you know she suffers from terrible stage fright?’
‘Posy, mysisterPosy?’
‘Yes, your sister Posy. Why are you so surprised?’
‘Because it doesn’t ring true. Posy’s so self-assured, so in control.’
Mom laughs. ‘That’s what shewantsyou to think. It’s all smoke and mirrors. That’s how she fools herself – to be able to switch off and get up there and transform into another person. You’re not so different the both of you, you know.’
‘Erm.’ Not once has it occurred to me that Posy suffered with stage fright. It’s a huge revelation; to do her job each and every night she has face up to those fears or at least compartmentalise them to be able to sing and dance and transform into the character she’s playing. ‘Huh. I never knew that.’ Is Posy more like me than I first thought but can just fake it better? It gives me hope. Maybe I’m just a late bloomer?
‘Well, I suppose she’d be insufferable if we openly talked about it, so let’s keep it our little secret. And keep me informed about what’s happening there. I wish the old woman would see sense and come back to New York, but she’s always been contrary.’
‘She’s not contrary, just free-spirited, but I’ll keep you updated.’ While Gran confided in me that Santorini is going to be her last home, is it really my place to tell Mom that? She’ll freak out. Use it as an excuse to Gran-nap her back to NYC. I remind myself to tread gently as Mom’s heart is in the right place, only she doesn’t understand Gran’s motivations just yet.
‘Ipromiseyou, Gran’s happy here. Who wouldn’t be living on an island as bright and beautiful as Santorini?’
Mom sighs. ‘It’s so far away from us, Evie. What if she needs medical help? What if she goes missing one day on her morning walk? We won’t know if she fell, was pushed, or was taken. We don’t know anyone there. Her place ishere, with us.’
My mom is obsessed with us being taken, which means now I’m also obsessed with the idea. I can’t even go for a walk without wondering if today is the day. A therapist would have a field day with my family.
‘What’s brought this sudden worry on?’ Gran’s spent her whole life flitting about the globe, and while Mom’s always been concerned for her wayward mother, she’s never been this insistent on Gran returning home. And trust me, Gran has managed to get herself into some major scrapes before. Let’s just say none of us feel safe travelling to Colombia after the bust-up she had with that tomato crop farmer. Turns out theyweren’tcrops of tomatoes Gran was hiking through, but how was she to know? Innocent little eighty-year-olds don’t know much about botany.
‘She’s turning eighty-four soon, Evie. There’s going to come a time when she’ll need day-to-day help and I don’t trust her to ask for it.’
Posy’s constant exclamations over Gran losing her marbles must have gotten to Mom. ‘I’m here now, and I can tell you she’s as energetic and full of life as ever. Having a bookshop has always been a dream of hers, so why don’t we let nature takes its course? Fine, you don’t trust her to ask for help, but it’s not like we’re never going to visit her again. We can take it in turns spending time here and keeping an eye out that way. She’s already made a nice group of friends who you can call if you’re worried. She’s fiercely independent and that’snevergoing to change.’ They talk about Gran as if she’s got one foot in the grave!
Mom sniffles. That’s the thing about my family. We argue, bicker, bait each other, but there’s a deep abiding love there, no matter how much we push and prod for a reaction. I hadn’t understood until now that Mom’s need for control is a protective instinct. I’d presumed it was her wanting to be the puppet master, pulling the marionette strings, keeping us all in line.
‘You’re probably right, Evie. It’s pains me, is all. I’d love her to be here, around the corner so I can visit after a long day, where she will accuse me of being a workaholic and tell me I’m hopeless at mixing martinis. That I need to stop frowning the way I do or the wind will change and I’ll have a face like a stuck pig. You know, all those ways in which she shows me that she loves me, in not so many words?’
